


Full Circle

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, Brotp, Chosen One, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray Jedi, Snips - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, The Daughter - Freeform, mortis gods, otp, skyguy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:32:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: It was a routine op, nothing to worry about. But then it turned into a nightmare. A nightmare that ultimately reshapes everything between them.She fights her own death to return to her master and he has to face his attachment to her and what it will change. Can they figure it out or will it cost them everything?





	1. Chapter 1

It was a routine op, nothing the two of them couldn’t handle. Plus, they had Rex and Echo and Fives with them. It was the dream team as far as Anakin was concerned. The only one missing was Obi wan, but he’d spend more time questioning the plan than just going for it. No, it was better without him. They had to be stealthy and quick, and other than Fives’ unfortunate clumsiness, this was the best team for it. 

Ahsoka was fast and small, her job was to scout ahead, unnoticed by the enemy. Rex watched the rear, while he, Fives and Echo scanned the surroundings. 

This planet was practically a wasteland, but somewhere there was a crashed Separatist ship with important intel. There’d been no sign of any enemy activity on the surface, but just to be cautious, they dropped several kilometers away, preferring to go the rest of the way on foot. 

They moved through the canyons slowly, making sure they didn’t attract any attention. It was at least an hour before Anakin realized that Ahsoka hadn’t checked in. It wasn’t exactly unlike her, he shouldn’t be so worried, but with so many crevices and unknowns, he felt himself getting uneasy. 

“Hey Skyguy!” She said, dropping down from a hidden ledge behind him about 30 minutes later. 

“Kriff, Ahsoka!” He said, nearly slicing her in half with his lightsaber for surprising him. “Where have you been?" 

"Scouting, like you told me!” She said in annoyance. “Why is he so jumpy?” She asked Fives who was still laughing about how Anakin had leapt in surprise when she appeared. 

“It’s this place, Little'un.” Rex said joining the group from behind. “There’s something off about it. I’m no Jedi, but all my equipment has been on the fritz. If there’s some kind of electronic interference, I imagine it’s messing with your senses too. 

"I haven’t had a proper readout for at least the last hour.” Echo said, taking off his helmet and hitting it on the side like that would fix it.

“Well, what have you found?” He asked her, tapping his foot. His bad feeling was intensifying by the second. 

“Honestly? A whole lot of nothing.” She said as though bored. One of these days he needed to teach her to not enjoy fighting. “But while up there, I noticed that whatever is causing this electrical disturbance appears to be in a straight line, not just everywhere.”

“What do you mean?” He asked her.

“I mean that when I’m standing in it, it feels like it’s all around me, but if I take a few steps to the left, it’s gone. Or if I go to the right, it’s gone. So there’s a line of it. And it’s leading to the south." 

"What could cause that?” Asked Echo. 

“Buried equipment, perhaps?” Rex said, stroking his chin. 

“I thought of that,” Ahsoka said. “It’s less bad close to the ground. It messes with my Jedi senses, but I can still feel it other ways.”

“Well, likely what we’re hunting for is at the end of this ‘pathway’,” Anakin said, “but I feel like we’re going in blind. Any sign of battle droids?”

“None.” She said. 

“Maybe we should call for assistance, sir?” Rex said.

“But there’s nothing out there!” Ahsoka commented.

“That we know of!” Anakin chided her. She opened her mouth to argue, but decided against it, moving over towards Fives and crossing her arms in a sulky manner. “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to at least report in.”

Echo tried to put a call through to the Indomitable waiting in orbit, but reported a few minutes later that none of his comms were working. They each tried, but none of them got through. 

“Maybe if we move out of the stream?” Ahsoka said. They all agreed, and Anakin and Ahsoka force leapt to the top of the canyon walls, waiting for the other three to don their climbing equipment and follow. 

“I’m sorry, Ahsoka. I didn’t mean to snap at you down there. I’ve just got a bad feeling about this. It either seems too easy or like something really bad is about to happen.” He admitted to her while they were alone up top.

“It’s okay, Master. I don’t like it either. But other than this weird disturbance, I haven’t seen a single hint we’re not alone down here.” She said calmly. “How much do we know about this ship that went down? Could it have an experimental weapon on board?”

“Well, that’s not what the scouts reported, but it’s possible.” He said, reaching down to help Fives who started stumbling trying to get over the edge.

He let her lead them outside the stream, but still none of their comms worked. “I think they’re fried, sir.” Echo said at last. 

“Well that makes me even less inclined to follow this path.” Anakin said thoughtfully. “You three move about two clicks East and see if you can repair communications. Then call for backup. Ahsoka and I will continue on ahead, since we don’t need electronics.”

“But sir?” Rex said, “are you sure it’s a good idea to split up?”

“No I’m not sure, but in case we do meet resistance, I don’t want my soldiers getting killed because their blasters won’t fire. We’ll rendezvous in two hours.” He said. “Come on, Ahsoka.”

They parted ways, him and Ahsoka walking mostly in silence. He wondered if this electromagnetic field they were sensing was why he was feeling so paranoid. He glanced at his padawan a few times, but if it was bothering her as much, she didn’t show it. 

As they got closer to their destination, he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Whatever was causing this weird energy wasn’t far away now. Ahsoka had dropped to all fours, seemingly following some kind of ingrained instinct. She was moving cautiously, almost like an animal. “You okay, Snips?” He asked. She didn’t answer. She swayed side to side, her eyes were dark and narrowed like she was hunting prey. He’d never seen her like this before. 

He tried to open his own senses, but felt as though he was stumbling around blindly. What kind of energy could completely cloud a Jedi’s senses? He reached down to touch Ahsoka on the shoulder, but leapt back when she turned to snap at him, baring her teeth in a feral growl. 

“Ahsoka?” He stared at her in surprise. “Hey, snap out of it!” He said nervously. “You’re a Jedi, not an animal!”

Her eyes changed a little and she shook her head. “What happened?” She asked. 

“Well, for a moment, I thought you were going to bite me.” He said looking at her in concern. “Do you feel alright?”

She rubbed her head, sitting back on her heels. “Yeah.” But then she furrowed her brow. “Why would I bite you?”

“I don’t know. You started acting like an animal." 

"I… I don’t remember….” she said, sounding fearful. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, Snips.” He said kneeling close to her to comfort her. “This place is weird. Let’s find that intel and get out of here." 

She nodded and he helped her to her feet. They made it to the ridge and saw the wreckage below. Halfway down the hill, Ahsoka dropped to her knees again and took off in a weird scuttling run towards the ship.

"Ahsoka, wait!” He shouted after her, but she disappeared inside. 

He ran after her, pulling his lightsaber from his belt. The feeling of dread worsened so bad it was almost crippling by the time he was to the wreck. There was no sign of Ahsoka anywhere, or anything moving for that matter. He couldn’t even feel her in the force. Not that he could feel much of anything at this point.

He moved slowly through the ship, his lightsaber in front of him at the ready. It cast a blue glow illuminating the hallways, but there were still so many shadows and every one felt ominous like it was moving towards him. He leapt out around every corner, waving his weapon menacingly, but nothing jumped out from the shadows. 

He was worried about Ahsoka. He hoped the clones had been able to get the comms repaired and called for backup by now. He listened hard, but heard nothing. Not even an echo of something moving. Where on earth had she gone? He found his way to the bridge of the ship but met no resistance. He plugged in the computer chip to download the information from the ship’s data banks. While the data was being transferred, he looked around, noticing for the first time the lack of bodies. The separatists preferred droids, but there were none of those around either. It was almost as though they’d crashed the ship intentionally.

That didn’t make him feel any better. He thought he heard movement and spun around. His lightsaber didn’t illuminate much. Nothing came at him though, perhaps he’d imagined it?

“Ahsoka?” He asked aloud. No response. The computer beeped behind him and he turned to reach for the chip. 

Something leapt at him from the shadows, knocking his lightsaber across the room. He wrestled with it for awhile, some kind of beast that clawed and snapped at him. It was a few minutes before he realized he was wrestling with her. 

“Ahsoka!” He cried, trying to hold her face away from him as he saw her bared teeth going after his bare neck. “Snap out of it! This isn’t you!” He yelled, but unlike before, she didn’t respond. He pushed her back with the force, blocking his body from her relentless attacks. She bit him hard in the arm, he could feel the blood soaking through his robes. He felt scratches up and down his body, stinging in pain. “I don’t want to hurt you!” He said. Trying to stay calm. But she was like a wild animal, and nothing he said or did, slowed her down. 

He pushed her away again, getting to his feet. He turned to reach for his lightsaber, but she leapt onto his back, digging her claws into his shoulders and knocking him back to the floor. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had no way to stun her. He rolled onto his back and kicked out with his legs, throwing her back into the wall. She yelped like a wounded animal, but didn’t get back up immediately. 

He took the opportunity to pick up his lightsaber and then went to grab the computer chip. He was sure she’d be fine, just a little sore. But without warning, a stream of lightning poured from several places across the bridge the moment he removed the chip. Before he could react he saw Ahsoka dive between him and the lightning, she screamed in agony as the volts ripped through her body from four sides. 

“No!” He yelled when she fell to the ground, her body smoking from the burns. He reached to touch her, the lightning system faded. She was hot to the touch, but he couldn’t find a pulse. “No! Ahsoka! Why?” He cried, shaking her. But her head rolled to the side. “No no no!” He rocked back and forth. His head screaming at him. His body felt like lead, he could hardly move. He collapsed onto her, tears streaming down his face, trying to shake her. But nothing he did brought her back to him. “You can’t be dead. You can’t be! I need you!” He said crying into her stomach. 

He couldn’t move for a long time. No matter how he begged and pleaded with the force, she didn’t wake up. She was gone. And it was all his fault. He was the one that should have died, not her. Why hadn’t he protected her? Whatever intel was on this disk wasn’t worth her life, but it didn’t matter now. He couldn’t bring her back. There was no undo button in life. She was gone. And he was alone. 

He heard Rex shout from somewhere. He sounded so far away. He lifted Ahsoka into his arms, surprised by how heavy she felt. He held her tightly as though that would be enough to bring her back. 

He stumbled numbly through the ship. He wasn’t paying attention to anything else. He didn’t really care if he died too at this point. He already felt as though part of him has shriveled up the moment her life force had faded. 

He ran into Rex the last corridor before the exit. He’d stopped mid-sentence the moment he saw what Anakin was carrying.

“Sir?” Rex managed in a hoarse whisper. But his throat was so tight and dry he couldn’t answer him. Rex moved like he was going to take her from him, but he pulled her body possessively away from him. 

Echo and Fives both bowed their heads as he emerged outside carrying her. They turned, leading the way back to the ship in silence. No one spoke, no one knew what to say. He avoided looking at her face, it only made it that much more real.

Tears streamed freely down his cheeks, falling onto her. But he couldn’t stop them. It hurt more than he could comprehend. The voice in his head repeating that he’d failed her. He’d failed her, just like he’d failed his mother. Who else would he fail before this war was over? Maybe he should run away. Get far away. Then maybe he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. He was the Chosen One, that’s what they told him, but all he saw that he accomplished was as a harbinger of death. Not just to their enemies, but to everyone. 

—

“That was a very noble sacrifice, child.” A voice said.

“Who are you?” Ahsoka said, looking around. But she saw nothing. There wasn’t even a color to associate with this place, wherever this was. She didn’t remember much of anything at all. Her and Anakin had been following something and then a huge blank spot in her memory. The last thing she remembered was jolts of electricity ripping through her body and then waking up here. 

“You never met me, but I knew you. Master Plo was quite fond of you. Told me all about how strong you were in the force.” It said. 

“Where are we?” She asked. She wished she could see something. 

“We are part of the force, young one.” It said calmly. 

“Am I dead?” She asked surprised. That couldn’t be right. How was she still aware? How did she still have memories and some semblance of an identity? 

“No child, you are alive. Alive in every living thing, connected, whole and complete.” The voice echoed around her. Every time it answered a question it only gave her more. 

“Anakin?” She asked. “Is he okay?" 

"The Chosen One lives on.” She didn’t like how it said that. 

“I have to go back! He needs me!” She exclaimed. She didn’t like it here. 

“Your journey is complete, you cannot return.” It said. 

“No, that’s not true!” She cried. “Let me go!”

“Ahsoka.” Another voice whispered. “There is a way. I can guide you there, but if you take the last step, you’ll be on your own.”

“Who are you people?” She asked, scared now. A light appeared in front of her, at first indistinct, but then a shape. She gasped. “You’re the daughter?" 

"I sacrificed my life force to bring you back to life after my brother killed you. Ever since, I’ve lived inside you, protecting you, protecting your light. I can take you back, but it will destroy the last piece of me. If I do that, you must carry the light so that it doesn’t die.”

“I died before?” She felt overwhelmed. 

“Your master never told you?” The daughter asked. 

“No.” Her head was spinning. If she had one anyways. She didn’t even feel a body around her anymore. “Will he be okay without me? If I don’t go back? I can’t ask you to give yourself up for me again.”

“I do not know.” She said.

“Can I see him? One last time?” Ahsoka pleaded. She missed him already. She shouldn’t, but she did.

A ship appeared around them, she knew it well. The people there were fuzzy at first. It was loud and the lights blinding after having been looking at nothing. She saw Rex in the pilot’s seat, his shoulders slumped, doing his best to hold himself together. He was hurting, she could feel it. Fives was sitting in the copilot seat. Moving through the routine as though in a daze. His normally optimistic attitude replaced with a painful sorrow. Echo was sitting at the control behind them, he too was moving numbly. But where was Anakin?

She looked through the viewport and saw them leaving orbit, heading towards the Indomitable. As quiet as a funeral procession. She turned away from them, knowing they couldn’t see her. She moved through the door leaving the cockpit. Shivering slightly at the feeling. 

Anakin was sitting in the far back of the shuttle, her body cradled in his lap. His face was etched with tears. Deep lines of pain and loss, fresh and harsh. She could see his lips moving and moved closer to hear him. He was repeating an apology, over and over again. She wanted to comfort him, she wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault! She wanted to tell him he’d be okay! To be strong. But he heard nothing as she poured her heart out to him. He just sat there, numbly rocking back and forth, holding her limp body as though afraid to let it go. 

She couldn’t leave him like this! He needed her! It was more evident than ever. But the vision started fading and she cried out to him. He didn’t hear her. 

“No take me back!” She begged. “Let me go back! Can’t you see him? He needs me!”

“He is a Jedi, he will move on.” The original voice was back.

“No, you don’t get it! He won’t. He can’t! He loves people too much!” This voice infuriated her, angered her. It didn’t know him at all! He’d carry her death for the rest of his life. She knew it was selfish, but she couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t let him live feeling responsible for it. 

“Then he is a danger to everyone around him. And if that is his path, there is nothing your presence will change." 

"You’re wrong! He’s not dangerous! He’s afraid. I can help him! I’ve already helped him.” She exclaimed, exasperated. 

“If you go back, he will kill you. It is his destiny.”

“No! You’re lying to me! He won’t hurt me! He’d never hurt me!”

The voice faded, replaced again by the daughter’s, “are you sure?” She asked. 

“Sure he won’t kill me? Absolutely!” She said stubbornly.

“I must warn you, the path ahead is treacherous. He is dangerous, and unless he can learn to control his emotions, the galaxy will burn. You will be the last light. If you fade, it will be gone forever.”

“I can save him! I know it! I know I can.” She said unsure of whether or not anyone else believed her. 

“I hope you’re right.” The daughter said, reaching out and taking her hands. “May the light be with you.” The daughter glowed blindingly bright, becoming as small as a ball and disappearing inside her chest. Her body took form around her again, she felt his arms, his presence. Her head ached for a few moments as she tried to regain control of the physical world around her. 

“Anakin?” She asked, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Ahsoka?” His voice cracked as he pulled her tight against his chest. “But how? I felt your death!” He breathed into her neck, crying.

“I came back,” she cried too. “I came back for you.”

They hugged for a long time, her on his lap, his arms around her. Her body ached, they both cried. She was so grateful to feel him again. And she could feel his relief, though he still repeated how sorry he was. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, master! Don’t apologize!” She whispered, bringing her hand up to his face. The lines deeper than she’d realized. 

“I thought I lost you!” He said, as lost and broken as a child. “I failed to protect you.”

“No you didn’t!” She said, wiping the fresh stream of tears away. “I’m supposed to protect you. That’s what I did.”

“You have that backwards.” He said choking as he tried to laugh. 

“Well it doesn’t matter now. I’m here. And I’m not leaving you again.” She said adamantly. 

“Sir, we’re about to dock…” Rex trailed off after coming through the door from the cockpit.

“Rexy!” She said, sliding off Anakin’s lap and throwing her arms around him. 

“You’re alive?” It was his voice that cracked this time. Although he’d looked surprised, he’d caught her in his arms. 

“I am!” She said, giggling. “Isn’t it great?" 

"It’s a miracle,” he said sounding dazed. “We all…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I didn’t mean to scare you." 

"What happened?” He asked, looking more towards Anakin.

She saw him just shrug in response. “I don’t know how it works.” She said. “But I’m back, and I’m not going anywhere.” She hugged him again and then let go. 

“I’m glad you’re alive, Little'un.” He whispered, touching her gently on the cheek. “And I know he is too.” He said even quieter. “For a few moments… I thought I lost you both.” The weight of his words fell around her like rain. She understood what he was saying. She’d been right, Anakin needed her. He would probably never admit it so openly, but he did. Without her, he was lost. He hadn’t wanted her, when she’d first appeared in his life, but now he couldn’t really live without her. Somewhere along the way, she’d made herself irreplaceable. And she was going to do whatever it took, to make sure she could help him. That’s all she’d wanted from the start. And now, it was even more important to her. 

The voices in the force, they’d told her he was dangerous. But as she glanced over at him leaning forward somewhat dazed and looking helpless, she couldn’t believe them. They were wrong about him. They had to be. She’d seen the things he was capable of, but he never went too far. Maybe he pushed the line a few times, but he always managed to reign himself in. Besides, Chosen One or not, how much could he really influence in the entire galaxy?

—

“Anakin?” She asked, turning in surprise at his entrance into her room. None of them had reported what had happened to her. He’d been in a daze the entire time they’d given the report. All he could think about was her. When they’d decided to call it a night, he’d already known he couldn’t go to his own quarters. He needed to be close to her. “Are you alright?" 

"I carried you…” he started, emotion splitting his voice. “All the way back to the ship… you were dead. For over two hours! Your body was stiff by the time we got to it…” he felt like collapsing. It didn’t make any sense to him. “I just… I just needed to be sure I hadn’t imagined you coming back to life…” he looked up at her, grief-stricken.

She moved towards him and took his hands. “I’m here.” She whispered. “Really. I don’t know how, but I am.”

“You said you came back for me.” He breathed. “You were given a choice?”

“Not really,” she said thoughtfully. “I was told I couldn’t. But I found a way anyways.” She looked him over. “Why are you all scratched up?” Her fingers rubbing across his ripped and bloody robes. 

“You, um… turned into an animal…” he said nervously. Her eyes widened. But she swallowed whatever she’d been about to say. 

“Well, let’s get you cleaned up.” He let her undress him down to just his pants and boots. While she puttered about inspecting the wounds and cleaning them up, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. There was something she wasn’t telling him about what happened. But to be honest, he wasn’t sure he cared to know. All that mattered was that she was here now. She was alive, she was flesh and blood again, and he would stop at nothing to make sure she stayed that way. 

He was scared to go to sleep though, scared when he woke up she wouldn’t be there. This was the second time he thought he’d lost her, maybe even third or fourth. He couldn’t take it anymore. He still felt the urge to run away, but this time… he’d take her with him. If he left, she’d continue to fight, and he couldn’t leave knowing the war would probably kill her. 

“Ahsoka…” he breathed, as she started cleaning up his wounds. “When I thought I… when I thought I lost you… I wanted to run away. I wanted to get as far away from everyone I loved as possible so I couldn’t hurt them. I don’t want to be the Chosen One. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be. I’m so scared.” He confessed, looking up at her nervously.

She paused and looked up at him, her hand on his arm. “I know who you are.” She said softly. “Forget the title. It’s a stupid and unnecessary burden. If you’re meant to bring balance to the force, you will, by being yourself. And whenever you forget, I’ll be there to remind you.” She leaned forward and kissed the scratches across his chest. “It’s okay to be scared, you know.” She kissed the bite mark on his arm. “I’m scared too. But I know we’ll be okay.” She said, moving behind him and he felt her lips on more marks. 

He knelt down, taking a deep breath. He shouldn’t want this with her. He had a wife waiting for him at home. But after what happened today, he was having to face the realization that losing Ahsoka had scared him far more than he’d expected. He was sure Padmé would be fine without him. Maybe even better off. But Ahsoka knew him. Really knew him. He’d never dream of telling Padmé the things he’d just confessed to his padawan. When had she become so important? Why did he know he needed her so badly? A thought niggled in the back of his brain… Ahsoka had fought death itself to return to him. Likely with some knowledge of what was coming, assuming that everyone that joins the force suddenly becomes omniscient. He didn’t deserve her devotion, but he also knew, he couldn’t live without it. 

He felt her hands in his hair, petting him softly. She kissed the top of his head. “How can you be so sure we’ll be okay?” He asked, fresh tears streaming down his face. 

“Because I have you.” She said, brushing his tears aside. “And that’s all I need.” He caught her hands in his and pulled her into an embrace. “And you have me.” She said a little muffled from where her face was against his chest. “And even if I’m not all you need, I’ll always be there.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Darling! You’re back!” Padmé exclaimed, running into his arms. He hugged her stiffly. “What’s the matter? What happened?” He looked at her sadly. She was so beautiful. So perfect. Everything he’d always wanted, wished for, hoped for. And she was his. But after this last mission… 

He sat down heavily on her couch. She sat next to him, holding his arm, one hand in his hair. He didn’t know how to say what he needed to. His throat was tight. He felt like he’d hang himself on the words. Maybe it was better to not say them. Maybe it was better for her not to know the truth. But she deserved better. He couldn’t string her along, not now. 

He took her small, soft hand in his. “Anakin?” She asked again, worry in her voice. He ran his thumb across the back of her hand. He didn’t want to lose her. He didn’t want to let her go. And the longer he hesitated saying what he’d come to say, the more he lost his nerve. There was no guarantee that him and Ahsoka would have this kind of relationship. Even after they’d spent the night in each other’s arms, there’d been no talk of what their future would be. Or even if he wanted that with her. 

She was his best friend. Their bond was deeper than any he’d ever had before. But he still wasn’t sure he saw her romantically. Even when she’d kissed him across his skin, he still was indecisive. But regardless of whether or not they became more in the future, he felt unfaithful to Padmé even thinking about how deeply he needed Ahsoka near him. His relationship with each of them were so dramatically different from one another, yet in a weird way, they felt like they overlapped. That they were both trying to fill the same hole in his heart. And after what he’d witnessed from Ahsoka, he had a hunch that if he chose wrong here, he wouldn’t be the only one that suffered for it. 

His padawan had practically given him permission to want or need more than her, but it still didn’t sit right in his head. She’d claimed she’d be there no matter what, but that wasn’t fair to her. 

“You’re scaring me, Anakin.” Padmé said suddenly. “Why won’t you say anything?" 

He looked up at her face, admiring how truly incredible she really was. If he walked away from her now, would he ever see her again? He hoped so. "Something happened,” he started, the knot in his throat tightened its hold. “On this mission.” He forced himself to push through the pain. His mouth went dry. “And…” he closed his eyes. Why was it so hard to speak? A tear slid down his cheek.

“And what?” She asked, her voice twisted with concern. 

“I have to go.” He said standing up. She stood with him. “We… I can’t… I can’t do this anymore.” He tried to run away, he wished he could explain what was going through his head, but he couldn’t. 

“What are you talking about?” She asked, grabbing his arm before he disappeared out the door. He stopped, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard.

“It’s over, Padmé. I’m sorry.” He said, and left. She deserved an explanation. She deserved more than this, but he couldn’t give it. He couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t do anything. And suddenly, he really wanted a drink. 

—

“Enter.” Master Yoda said, a few moments after Ahsoka rang the bell to his quarters. She sat down nervously on one of the meditation poofs. She was scared to tell him everything that had happened on the mission, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the things the voices had said to her while she’d been one with the force. She also had so many questions about death itself. “Padawan Tano.” Master Yoda said turning from the window to look at her. “Troubled you are?”

“Yes, master.” She said. “I have questions. I’ve been trying to meditate on them, but the answers elude me.”

“Need not answers, then. Perhaps?” He said, sitting on another poof. “Faith you need.”

“I know master… but…” she hesitated. None of them had reported her ‘death’ on the backwater planet, but could she get the answers she needed and find peace if she didn’t tell master Yoda the truth about what happened? 

“Out with it.” Yoda said, tapping his gimer stick on the floor, in impatience.

“When we die, we become one with the force, right?” She asked finally. 

“Yes.” He said. 

“Is that all there is? We don’t retain any of our individual identity or consciousness?”

“Suddenly fascinated with death, are you?” He asked.

“Not fascinated, curious.” She said carefully. “On our mission to Selvaris… I think I died. The experience was troubling. Not the death itself, but what I saw. What I heard.”

“Go on.”

“A voice spoke to me. It wasn’t familiar, but it claimed to know me. It said that Master Plo had told it all about me. It said that I was alive in every living thing, but I still had my own identity, my own memories. I didn’t have a body. I couldn’t see anything… but I still had awareness. Even when it told me I couldn’t go back. But then there was another presence. One that I met before. She manifested in front of me. She told me that I’ve died before and she brought me back. She brought me back this time too.” She wondered how crazy she sounded to master Yoda. Surely in almost 900 years of life he’d heard of similar situations. If not, what could it mean? 

She didn’t want to tell him what they’d said about Anakin, nor what they’d shared later. The council was already strict and critical of him, she couldn’t bring herself to tell them he was dangerous. They’d only ostracize him more. Besides, she still didn’t believe it. 

He was quiet for a long time as he contemplated the things she’d said. She felt uneasy, like perhaps she never should have mentioned this. But padawans were allowed to ask questions, right? That’s how they learned. “Discuss this with the council, I should.” He said at last. “In different and new ways, the force reveals itself. Much to learn, have we. Meditate on this I will. As should you.”

“Yes, master.” She said recognizing the dismissal. It appeared he didn’t know either. She wasn’t sure if that comforted her or unnerved her. She’d thought for sure if anyone could answer her questions, it was the leader of the Jedi.

—

“Heya, Rex,” Anakin said casually leaning on the frame of door to the barracks after it opened. 

“General?” He asked standing up. “Are you alright, sir?”

“Fantabulous!” He slurred a little. “Want to go get a drink with me? We deserve a night of relaxation and fun.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, sir?” Rex asked moving closer to him. “Between you and me, I think you’ve had enough.”

“What do you mean, Rexy? I’m barely getting started!” He tried to twirl but stumbled. Rex caught him, throwing his arm over his shoulder.

“I think I should get you back to the temple." 

"Where’s the fun in that?” He slurred, his eyes droopy. But he was too heavy to resist as Rex led him down the hallway and out the door. They were halfway across the complex when he fell down. “Can I just say,” he started, his hands and knees on the pavement. He felt bile rise up in his throat. “You’re the best captain anybody could ask for.”

“Uh, thank you sir.” Rex said, stepping back as he hurled all over the ground. 

“Wow!” He said, wiping his face on his robes. “Maybe I did drink too much!” He swayed to the side and rolled onto his back, staring up at the city lights above. Everything seemed to spin around him. “Look at the pretty stars. I always wanted to fly amongst them.” He sighed.

“Those are ships, sir. And you do fly amongst the stars.” Rex said, moving around to his other side and looking down at him. “I should really get you home.”

“Home?” Anakin let out an unnatural laugh. “I don’t have a home. I don’t think I ever did.”

“You don’t consider the temple your home?” Rex asked sitting down, resting his elbows on his knees. 

“No.” He said closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “The Jedi pretend they’re family, but they don’t know what family even means. They say, 'I’m your brother’ or 'I’m your sister’. But then they’d throw you aside for total strangers.” He looked over at Rex. “What about you? Do you have family?”

“Well, I consider the other clones my brothers. I do whatever I can to protect them.” He said thoughtfully. “But honestly, I think you, sir, and commander Tano are more like family.”

“Ahsoka?” He said feeling kind of dazed. “Yeah, she’s family. Obi wan… kind of.” He crossed his arms on his chest feeling as though he could fall asleep right there. “Well, I’ll be your family, Rex. Always.”

“I’m grateful for that, Sir.” He said. 

Anakin pushed him on the leg. “You don’t need to call me sir! I’m your brother!" 

"Even so, it’s proper.” Rex said. Ever the dutiful, obedient soldier. 

“When this war is over, we’re going to find a place together. The three of us! You, me and Ahsoka!” Anakin said dreamily. “We can be roommates!”

“That sounds nice, sir.” Rex whispered. 

—

“No go away!” He shouted as someone banged on his door. His head was pounding and it was too bright in his room. He pulled the pillow over his head to drown out the sound. Whoever was banging on his door did it again. He held the pillow tighter around his head. 

“Master!” Ahsoka’s voice still came through the thin fabric just before she shook him on the shoulder. “Master, get up!”

“No! I’m sleeping! Go away!” He said angrily. “And keep your voice down!”

“Are you hungover?” She asked in surprise.

“Of course not.” He replied turning his back on her and curling up into a ball. “And what did I tell you about shouting?”

“Um… that was a whisper. And you are hungover!” She shook him again. He groaned.

“Go away, Snips. I don’t feel very good.”

“Well, you’d better pull yourself together. The council is waiting for us. That’s why I’m here." 

"The council can kiss my…” she ripped the blanket off him. “Hey!” He curled up tighter, suddenly cold. 

“Come on, get up.” She pulled on his arm trying to get him to roll over. Even though she was strong, she was small and he easily resisted her. He felt her climb on the bed to get leverage. He waited until she was just about to yank and then he moved his arm. She lost her grip and tumbled to the ground. He tried to muffle his laughter in the pillow. His head was pounding. “Very funny, Skyguy!” She punched him in the back.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed.

“Oh give me a break, I hardly touched you.” She said. "Now get up. The council is waiting.“

"Cover for me.” He said. “And give me back my blanket.”

“I can’t cover for you. They wanted both of us and it’s about what happened on Selvaris.”

He rolled over and threw the pillow at her. “Well why’d you tell them?”

“Because I wanted advice. It’s not like I die and come back to life, everyday!" 

"Yeah, and what did they tell you?”

“That they didn’t know what it meant.” She said sheepishly, shuffling her feet.

“And for that, they drag me out of bed?” He threw up his arms and tried to sit up. 

“Well I don’t know. I only talked to master Yoda. He said he was going to talk to the council. I assumed their summons was that they might have an answer for me.” She said stubbornly. 

He looked over at her face, squinting in the brightness of the early morning light. She was troubled, he could sense it. To be honest, he hadn’t thought much about how she was recovering from the ordeal herself. He was just grateful she was still here. But then after how things had gone with Padmé… he’d wanted to forget about everything for awhile. 

“Come here.” He said, scooting to the edge of the bed. He pulled her into his lap and held her tight. She dropped her head onto his shoulder. He could feel her ragged breathing against the bare skin of his neck. “I’m sorry.” He said finally. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either.” She said quietly. “But I want you there with me." 

"Then I’ll be there.” He said, releasing her. He let her drag him to his feet. 

“You’re a mess.” She said, looking him over. 

“Yeah well, what do they expect? I thought my padawan died. I had to drink until I passed out just to get some sleep.” And I think I broke up with my wife… he added silently. He wasn’t even sure how he ended up back at the temple. The last thing he remembered was talking to Rex at the shipyard. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned up his nose at how he smelled. “Ugh,” he grunted. “Think I have time for a shower?”

“I doubt it.” She said, tapping her foot. “We’re already late.”

“Hope they can’t smell me then.” He said following her out of the room.

—

The council members watched them enter. None of them spoke, they just silently judged. He hoped they didn’t spend the whole time making riddles or whatnot, he wasn’t feeling very patient or understanding this morning. But whatever they were about to say meant a lot to Ahsoka and he’d promised her he’d be there. It did nothing to calm his nerves though as he glanced from face to face. It was feeling a lot like when he’d first come here as a child and they all stared at him disapprovingly; cold and reserved. 

“Padawan Tano,” Windu spoke first. “Please describe your experience to the council.”

He listened to her talk about her experience, but he could also tell there was more she wasn’t saying. It gave him chills to hear her mention the voices. And he found himself wondering why it hadn’t occurred to him to ask her himself what dying had been like. Probably because he didn’t really want to know. The more he knew, the more real it became. And after everything he’d felt both times she’d died… he didn’t ever want to think about it again. 

“This voice, you said you didn’t recognize it, but it claimed to know you?” Windu asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It said that it had never met me, but that Master Plo had told it all about me. That he’d told it I was very strong in the force.” She looked over at Master Plo pleadingly as though he could shed some light on her experience. Anakin glanced at his old master, but Obi wan was watching Ahsoka carefully, stroking his beard. 

“What else do you remember? How did you return?” Master Mundi asked. 

“There was another being,” she started, weighing her words carefully. “One I met before. The Daughter from Mortis.” Obi wan’s eyes widened at her statement. “She told me she’d saved me before and that she could send me back again. But to do so meant she’d destroy the last of her life force." 

Silence fell around the room as the council members looked amongst themselves. Sharing some kind of telepathic communications through the force. "You died before?” Windu asked. 

It was Obi wan’s turn to speak up. “Yes. When we met those force users on Mortis, the Son killed her. The Daughter sacrificed herself to save the Father and as she lay dying, she said she could use the last of her energy to bring Ahsoka back to life.” Several people gasped. 

“How come none of this was in the report?” Master Windu asked Obi wan. 

“We thought it was best to forget it ever happened.” Master Kenobi replied. 

“A powerful force being bound itself to Padawan Tano, and you all thought it was best to just forget about it?” Windu rolled his eyes, leaning back in the chair.

“We didn’t know they were bound together.” Anakin spoke at last. 

“And again, she dies and returns to life, and it is still left out of the report?” Ki Adi Mundi said. “How much else is not being reported?”

“Nothing!” Ahsoka said. “I didn’t want it in the report!” She said furiously, she was close to tears. “I just want to know what’s happening to me." 

"Well, we’d better be able to answer that if we’d known these details before.” Master Gallia said.

“You said this 'Daughter’ was willing to sacrifice the last of her energy to bring you back the second time, despite the other voice saying your time was up… why?” Master Shaak Ti asked more gently. 

“Because I begged her to.” Ahsoka whispered. Tears started falling down her cheeks. Anakin wanted to jump in between them and shelter her from any more speculation. But he stayed rooted to the spot. He felt like he needed to know too. 

“Why did you beg to come back?” Master Gallia asked. 

Ahsoka turned her tear stricken face to Anakin. He stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. “She came back for me.” He said. The entire council turned their attention on him. “I needed her. She knew that.”

He closed his eyes waiting for the repercussions of admitting such a forbidden attachment. But silence dragged on and no one uttered a lecture. Dare he hope they actually understood him for once?

“I think,” Master Plo broke the silence at last. “That there are far greater forces at play than any of us realized. And perhaps it’s time to admit, that the Chosen One cannot be treated like any other Jedi. Or his padawan. It would seem,” he said thoughtfully, “that the force believes these two need to stay together. Even transcending death to make that possible.”

His words filled the air around them, no one else spoke. “Do you mean to say, you considered taking her away from me?” Anakin asked as something master Plo said streaked a warning across his senses. Ahsoka gasped and stepped back into him. His fingers tightened on her shoulder. 

“It is clear the attachment between the two of you has surpassed what is appropriate. Allowing her to remain your apprentice endangers both of you.” Master Windu said. 

“No!” Ahsoka shouted suddenly. All regard for protocol out the window. “You can’t take me away from him! I’m supposed to help him! Just like Master Plo said! Twice, I’ve been brought back to be by his side. He needs me, don’t you understand? Screw your rules of attachment! There’s nothing wrong with love! It’s your inability to love that has caused us to fall so far in this war! You isolate yourselves from the very people you claim to protect! And then you wonder why they don’t trust us! Anakin is better than that. He cares about them, he knows what it’s like to be in their shoes. He loves them. And I refuse to believe that makes him dangerous!” She freed herself from his grip and ran out of the room. 

“Ahsoka, wait!” He called after her, glaring back at the council before following her. 

—

“They’re going to kick me out, aren’t they?” She squeaked, looking up at him when he found the corner of the courtyard she’d tucked herself into. 

“They better not.” He said, sitting down next to her. 

“I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

“Honestly, Snips, I’m glad you did.” He said patting her on the knee. 

“Really?” She asked, sitting up a little taller. 

“Really.” He smiled at her. “It’s time they get their heads out of their asses and see the real world we’re living in." 

"You believe me, right?” She asked, biting her lip. 

“You know I do.” He said. “I always knew you were fearless, but not everyone would fight death itself for me.”

She grinned sheepishly. “I told you when we first met, you were stuck with me! I couldn’t let you off that easily.”

“You call that easy?” He asked, blowing his hair out of his face. “Do me a favor, and don’t be that dramatic next time you’re trying to make a point. I don’t think my heart can take a third time.”

“I really died before? On Mortis?” She asked. “I don’t remember it at all. Like it was nothing like this. There were no voices, no choices. I just thought I fell asleep or something.”

“Yeah you did.” He said, trying to keep his voice even. It still bothered him to think about. “That was a really kriffing weird place. After leaving there, I never wanted to think about it again. I had you back, that was all that mattered.”

She scooted over closer to him so she could lean her head on his shoulder. “Do you really think they’ll split us up?” She asked worriedly. 

“There will be hell to pay if they try it.” He said passionately. 

“Anakin?” She murmured. 

“Yeah Snips?”

“Do you think this war is ever going to end?” She whispered. “The voice told me that if you couldn’t learn to let go, the galaxy would burn. I didn’t believe it. Loving is what makes you so special. It’s what makes you who you are. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

“How come you didn’t tell the council the force told you I was dangerous?” He asked, his muscles tightened as his fist clenched. She peeled his fingers back apart and filled the spaces with her own.

“Because you’re not.” She said simply. “There’s nothing wrong with you. They’re the ones that are wrong.”

He sighed, relaxing against the wall, letting her hold him. “But maybe I am.” He said quietly. “I’ve never been able to control my anger, you’ve seen it firsthand. Anger is the path to the dark side. What if I’m going down that path and I can’t see it?” Did she hear the fear in his voice?

She was quiet for a moment, her face screwed up in concentration as though she was remembering something. “What if we’re not meant to resist the dark side?” She said quietly.

“What?” He asked surprised. 

“I mean, if the Chosen One is a real thing, it’s said they will bring 'balance to the force’. How can you bring balance if you only know one side? I’m not saying we should be evil or anything, but perhaps there’s more to it than anybody realizes. Maybe we should know the dark side too, and find a path in the middle.” She spoke thoughtfully. Her words made him nervous. But maybe she was right? 

He’d spent so many years denying parts of himself because they weren’t the Jedi way, but denying them only made it easier to swing towards them when he was trying to make decisions. It was almost as though the harder he tried to distance himself from those parts, the easier they consumed him. But maybe if he faced them, they couldn’t take over.

“Ahsoka, have you ever heard the real prophecy?” He held his breath.

“No.” She said. “Only what I overhear people saying about it. Have you?”

“No." 

"Well that’s just stupid.” She said straightening. He couldn’t resist smiling to himself. Why did he know that she was going to single-handedly lead him through life, smacking around anybody that dared speak against him?

Leaving Padmé behind had been incredibly painful, but knowing that he wasn’t going to be alone, eased it a bit. He’d meant what he said about hell to pay if they took her away from him, but mainly he’d probably just ask her to run away with him. He had a hunch she wouldn’t even hesitate. Neither would Rex, probably. Though what he’d be asking of him was treason. 

But what about the Chancellor? And the Republic? Could he really just abandon it because he was tired of the Jedi order? Probably not. He still felt it was his duty to fight, and to protect.

“Skyguy.” She elbowed him. He looked up to see Obi wan making his way towards them. He tensed up instantly. “Master Kenobi.” Ahsoka said, standing and bowing slightly. He bowed back.

“Though the council does not appreciate being spoken to in such a manner, we’ve agreed to let you continue to train under Anakin.” He said tightly. She turned to him where he was still sitting with a big grin.

“I sense a but…” Anakin said tiredly. Starting to feel the lack of nourishment and the unresolved headache from earlier.

“You’re both being removed from the front lines for the time being." 

"What?” Ahsoka exclaimed. Anakin didn’t have enough energy to even sound surprised at this point. In fact, he wasn’t surprised. This was what the council did. They punished anyone that dare question their rules or decisions. 

“Relax, Snips. I’m sure we can find plenty to do around the temple.” He said, pulling himself to his feet. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ve had absolutely nothing to eat today and I’m starting to feel lightheaded. Coming, Ahsoka?" 

She looked up at him like she was expecting him to argue with master Kenobi but he just shook his head.” She nodded reluctantly and followed him to the cafeteria.


	3. Chapter 3

Several weeks passed in idleness and frustration. Ahsoka was wound up like a caged animal, restless and annoyed. Repeating over and over again how unfair it was for them to be left here. Especially when the war effort appeared to be floundering on all fronts. Though he agreed with her that there was more they should be doing, he found himself actually kind of enjoying the peace and quiet of the temple for once. 

Though what had started all of this had been one of the worst days he could remember, it had led to being able to openly discuss things with Ahsoka that had been bottled up inside for so long. He found that he wasn’t so afraid anymore. She’d known just what to say to put him at ease, her presence comforted him, even when she was agitated like this. And her passionate devotion to stand by his side warmed him in ways he never appreciated before.

Admittedly, he’d expected to hear from Padmé at some point, demanding more of an explanation or something, but she’d been quiet too. Maybe it was for the best. He still watched her on the holonews. Her speeches still giving him chills. Ahsoka had caught him listening one evening and asked him if he missed her. He confessed that he did, but never revealed the true nature of their relationship. Perhaps Ahsoka already knew. She didn’t press him for more details. She’d even suggested they go visit her, but he’d told her that wasn’t a good idea and eventually she’d let the subject drop. Mainly he watched to see if she was doing alright without him. She seemed to be, which made him both relieved and depressed. 

“Do you think they punished us because I yelled at them?” Ahsoka asked for at least the hundredth time. 

“No.” He answered yet again. “They didn’t appreciate being called out on their failures.”

She dropped her head on the table next to him with a deep sigh. They were sitting in the library this time. They’d pretty much been filling their time either there or in the dojo. Every so often they snuck out to go visit Rex and the 501st at the shipyard. Those were the best nights because they all sat around swapping stories. Fives liked to complain about not being under him anymore, which of course made him feel better. Echo would geek out about the latest equipment or complain about the ‘antiques’ the other companies used. Rex would regale them with the latest adventures and Ahsoka would bombard him with questions so she could feel like she had been there too. Not once did they get out of there without being asked when they’d be back. But every time, Anakin had been forced to admit he didn’t know. 

“Master!” She said suddenly, sitting up again. He looked at her appropriately curious. Wondering what her brilliant idea to kill their boredom would be this time. “Are you allowed in the holocron vault?” She asked.

“Only the council is.” He said. He felt her disappointment instantly. 

“Can we sneak into it?” She whispered, looking around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. He tried to hide his grin. This is what happened when the council denied them action, they created their own. Of course, it usually ended up getting them into more trouble which then cascaded into even longer punishments. But he had to admit he was intrigued by her sudden interest in it. 

“Tell me what you want in there before I answer that.” He said conspiratorially. 

They both want back to reading their books as Madame Jocasta went by. “Well, I was just thinking,” she said scooting closer, “wouldn’t it be nice to find out what the Chosen One prophecy actually says? I mean, the council knew of it, they must have record of it somewhere. Don’t you think it’s odd that they claim you are something but never tell you what that thing is? Or what it means? What are they hiding?”

He looked past her to the entrance of the holocron vault. Did he really want to know? If the Jedi hid the real prophecy… it couldn’t mean anything good…

“Ahsoka…” he started. “Normally I’m game for sticking it to the council in harmless ways… but…”

She looked him up and down and he half expected her to mock him for being weak. But she frowned instead, looking puzzled. “You don’t want to know?" 

"I do, but… well what if they never told me because it says I’m going to become a Sith or something?” He said worriedly. It was still weird to openly admit his fears, but she handled them so much better than he expected. In fact, ever since he’d started opening up to her, they’d been even closer. There was still occasional bickering and playful banter, but there was far less willful disobedience. It was like they could actually communicate with each other. It was scary to put himself out there like that, but she caught him every time. 

“Are you planning on becoming a Sith? Because if you are, I’d kind of like to know about it.” She said crossing her arms.

“Would you keep your voice down?” He whispered furiously. “And no of course I’m not planning on it." 

"Well last I checked, becoming a Sith was a choice. So… even if the prophecy says you become one, you can still make the choice not to.” She said leaning closer. “Besides, I thought you said the whole thing was hoodoo anyways. What are you so afraid of?" 

"Maybe I’m afraid of myself. You ever think of that?” He said louder than he meant to and then clapped his hands over his mouth. He turned and looked down at the desk. “Have you ever noticed the way people in the temple look at me? Even after all this time, I’m still a spectacle to them. It’s like every single one of them is waiting for me to snap or something. And maybe, just maybe… I don’t want them to be right.”

She took him by the arm and dragged him to his feet. “Come on.” She said. He followed her outside and as they got farther from the temple, he wondered where they were going.

“Where are you taking me?” He asked.

They stopped at a park a good distance from the temple. She sat down on a bench that had a view of it. “You’re scared of how they look at you in there, right? Well out here, you’re a hero. To these people, you symbolize hope. Which you hate just as much, why?” He didn’t answer her. “Because you think you’re going to let them down.” He looked up at her sadly. Didn’t she understand how much of a failure he was?

“I’m not the hero they want me to be.” He whispered. 

“Don’t be the hero they want, Anakin. Be the hero they need.” She said softly. “Which is exactly what you already are. And no stupid prophecy is going to change that. Maybe the whole point of prophecies isn’t to fulfill them, but rather to make sure they never happen! It’s like master Yoda says, 'the future is always in motion. There are many possible futures.’ And every choice we make determines the one that happens. By knowing the prophecy, you can choose to make it happen or not. But at least then, you no longer have to live in fear of not fulfilling it!”

His padawan was seventeen now, but when he looked at her, he saw someone far wiser than even the council. The very people responsible for helping them win the war. He’d never thought about it before. He’d spent the entire time since hearing that he was some prophesied one both denying that it was him and enjoying the surprise of those around him that he could do things they never expected. But deep down, the title, the burden, the stigma and everything that came with it, had become something he resented. Yet another thing to fear about himself. He was dangerous. Everyone thought so. Except perhaps Ahsoka. But maybe the reason he was dangerous was just like she said, they refused to tell him the truth of who he was. And his fear of himself had grown and grown and grown until he was certain someday it would eat him alive. And what he didn’t know about himself, was the very thing it seemed everyone was exploiting. They’d twist him into doing things he didn’t believe in because he thought it was what he was meant to do. But if he knew what he was meant to do, he could choose whether or not to do it.

“Let’s go break into the holocron vault.” He said, standing. “You got a plan?”

“Always.” She said, punching him on the arm. It was true, she always did. 

—

“Security?” She asked. 

“Madame librarian, two temple guardians by the front entrance, likely some internal sensors, maybe even pass codes.” He whispered through the comm.

“Master Fisto just waved his hand in front of the lock before, do you think it’s tuned only to the council members?" 

"It’s possible.” He said. 

“How likely will alarms be trigged if you trying to open it doesn’t work?” She wondered. 

“I don’t know. Probably a silent alarm in the control center. Any chance you can distract them too?” 

"I’m good but not that good.” He heard the smirk in her tone. “Just be quick!” She said. 

“I don’t know what I’m looking for.” He said. 

“Look for the one with the big red letters saying take me, I’m yours!” She snipped. He rolled his eyes, oh forget it. He’d have to wing it. “Here we go!" 

He heard the crash echo around the library. Ahsoka’s distraction was working. Everyone had rushed to find out what had caused the noise. 

"Oh Madame Jocasta! I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” He heard her say loudly. He smiled to himself and moved stealthily over to the door. He took a deep breath and waved his hand in front of the lock. To his surprise, it opened, allowing entry. He saw a red light flashing behind the librarian’s desk before slipping inside. “If that was the only place that had an alarm, the longer Ahsoka kept her distracted, the better off they’d be. 

He turned to look down the aisles of holocrons, spreading out as far as he could see. The room was huge. How was he going to find the one in there they needed? If it was even in here.

"Okay, deep breath,” he said to himself. He closed his eyes in concentration, reaching out into the force… listening… he shook his head a few times trying to find the right one. “Got it!” He said, eyes snapping open. He force pulled the one he felt to his hand. It made his hand tingle the moment he touched it. 

He turned to go, hoping Ahsoka still had Madame Jocasta distracted, but stopped in his tracks as a figure stood in front of the exit. They were dressed in dark robes, a hood obscured their face. He didn’t know who they were. And he’d not heard anyone come inside. Had they been here the whole time.

“The holocron vault is restricted to council members only.” It spoke. But still he couldn’t make out any distinguishing characteristics. They seemed blurry, like they weren’t even there. Was it a clever hologram meant to scare would-be thieves?

“Then how’d you get inside?” He asked, feeling brash. He was certain he would have known if this was anyone on the council. 

“There are exceptions.” It said. “I’m one of them.”

“Who are you?” He asked, inching closer and reaching for his weapon. The figure still seemed indistinct, unreal even. 

“Who I am, is the wrong question, young Skywalker.” It said. “A better question would be 'what am I?'”

"Okay, well then, what are you?” He asked, unnerved by this creature, whatever it was. 

“I am the guardian of the prophecy that you are currently in possession of. I am also a shadow.” It said. “Return the holocron to its rightful place and you may leave. Try to take it, and I will be forced to fight you.”

“The prophecy is about me. Why can’t I see it?” He said stubbornly. 

“You may see it, you just can’t leave with it.” It responded. “The knowledge within that holocron is dangerous. It will reshape the entire galaxy. The Jedi fear it, the Sith try to use it." 

He felt his heart sinking. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. That he was going to find out something about himself he didn’t want to know. He wished Ahsoka was here with him right now. "Why do the Jedi fear it?” He asked, swallowing hard. He heard his comm beep. Ahsoka was sending him a warning, somebody was coming. 

“Because what the Chosen One is meant to do goes against the very core of their teachings.”

“And the Sith want to use it to destroy the Jedi.” He said.

“Yes, but little do they know, that the Chosen One cannot be Sith either.” It said. He breathed a little easier. 

“Then what am I?” He asked nervously. Did he want to know? 

“Ah, well that is up to you. The path you choose will not determine what happens, only how it happens." 

The door to the vault opened and the shadow disappeared. Anakin tucked the holocron in his robes as he stared at Master Kenobi on the other side of the door. Hopefully he hadn’t seen that he’d been holding one. Ahsoka stood behind him looking sheepish. Shrugging at him and pointing to the comm. he couldn’t tell her why he’d been unable to respond to her warning. 

"Anakin…” Obi wan started, annoyance evident in his tone. “I know that you miss being out there fighting the war, but behavior like this is intolerable. Being a Jedi knight means upholding a level of decency and respect. But instead, the two of you have done nothing but get into mischief. You’re both acting like younglings again. I have no choice but to report this incident to the council. What, pray tell, were you hoping to accomplish in here?”

Anakin wondered if telling him the truth would make any difference at all. “I’m sorry, Master,” he said, hanging his head. “It was my fault. I just wanted to know what was in here." 

"Oh I’m sure.” Obi wan responded, rolling his eyes. “Well come on, both of you.”

They followed him obediently down the hallway, heads down. Anakin handed Ahsoka the holocron behind his back. He gestured with his head for her to go hide it. She nodded understanding, and took off stealthily down a side corridor.

“I just don’t understand it,” Obi wan was saying. “You want so desperately to sit on the council, but you can’t stay out of trouble. They don’t grant you that position for being a hero, Anakin, it’s for those that show they are upstanding members of the order and hold those ideals dear.” He prattled on for a long time, not noticing both Ahsoka’s departure, or her return. As he lost himself in yet another lecture about their misbehavior. “You know that’s why my master never sat on the council right? He too couldn’t stay true to the Jedi code of conduct. It’s not that difficult, I do not understand why you can’t just follow them.”

He turned on them finally, just before they were about to enter the council chambers. They both looked up at him appropriately scolded, but his mind was on the holocron. The words the shadow had spoken still buzzing in his brain. The Jedi fear the prophecy. Why?

“Are you even listening to me?” Obi wan asked. 

“Yes, master,” they both responded in chorus. He looked back and forth between them in surprise. He raised his finger like he had another point to make, but dropped it and shook his head. 

—

“I’m really sorry I got us into trouble again, master.” She said looking up at Anakin who was standing in front of the window staring outside at the still busy city. He had his hands clasped behind his back, this was what he did when he was deep in thought. 

“Don’t worry about it, Ahsoka.” He said. Ever since master Kenobi had found them, he’d been acting distant. He still hadn’t given her a satisfactory answer as to what had happened in the vault. She assumed perhaps he’d taken too long to find the right holocron. But he felt troubled. Had he stopped to listen to it inside the vault, without her? She wanted to ask, she wanted to remind him they still had yet to listen to it. But something told her now was not the time. There was something he needed to work through first. 

She worried about him though, his mood changed quicker than the hours passed sometimes. This wasn’t about getting in trouble, this was bigger. Even though the council had dished out their typical reprimand, and for at least the third time, lengthened their indefinite leave, she supposed it could have been much worse. She found herself getting frustrated with the council though. It wasn’t that she believed there shouldn’t be consequences when they broke the rules, but somedays it felt like they were willing to lose the war purely on principle. There was so much good her and Anakin could be doing, countless battles they could turn in the Republic’s favor. But instead, they were stuck here having to watch things go from bad to worse. She was starting to wish she’d never gone to master Yoda about her experience. Not only did it not help her understand anything, it was what started this mess to begin with. 

She tried to sit still, but she was tired of the temple. Not because she wanted to be out there fighting, but rather because it was starting to feel more and more oppressive there. Anakin was calmer as the weeks wore on, yet in a way, that was part of what agitated her so much. She wasn’t used to him being so relaxed. It didn’t feel right. It wasn’t like a moment’s peace from meditation, it felt more like he had stopped caring about things. He was the type of person that found purpose in action and all this idleness was destroying the spark that made him so special. She hated to admit it, but he was boring this way. She’d rather be facing the dangers out there, than watch him slowly fade away in here. 

He turned to look at her and she perked up, “Do you remember on Kiros when we talked about slavery?”

“I do.” She responded quickly. She took everything he said to heart, of course she remembered. But she remembered more than his words too. She remembered his pain, the darkness that etched its way to the surface. But she also remembered the fear she felt as she’d watched him begin to morph into something else in front of her eyes. 

“I know what I said then, about how devoting our lives to serving others wasn’t slavery because we chose to do it, but…” he trailed off. “Do you think freedom is a real thing? Or just a concept?” 

She watched him for a few moments, feeling the weight of the words he’d spoken. Letting his emotions roll over her in the force. “I don’t know.” She said finally. “I like to think it’s a real thing that we fight for. That every victory to free a planet, frees the people.” 

“Yes, there is that.” He said turning back to stare out the window again. “But what if we’re slaves to something different? Not a person, or a government, but to the force? To destiny?”

“Well… we serve the force. It guides us, it has some grander plan. Which I guess is the definition of destiny. But I like to think we still have a choice.” She said thoughtfully. “Are you still worried about the prophecy?”

He didn’t answer for a few minutes, but then moved over to sit next to her on the bed. “I believe what you said about knowing it gives me a chance to change it. I want to believe I have a choice. But sometimes I look at how my life has gone and I think, maybe I never had control over any of it. Maybe none of us do.” He leaned over, elbows on his knees, hands on his head. “What if certain things are meant to happen and they will happen no matter what? What if the only choice in life is how it happens?”

She wasn’t sure how to answer him. What if he was right? She believed that she’d come back from the dead twice to help him. Not to fulfill some rusty old prophecy, but to love him. To support him, to encourage him. But what if the only reason she’d been brought back was because she had a role to play in it too? When she’d argued with the voices, one had told her there was nothing she could do, the other had supposedly acted on her choice to return; which suggested things could be changed. Unless they both knew going back was all she could do. But then why would one of them tell her she couldn’t?

He floated the holocron from the table over to her and dropped it in her hands. “Go.” He said quietly. “Go listen to it. I don’t want to hear it.” She wanted to argue with him, but she could tell he was really scared. 

She got up and made to leave, pausing in the doorway to look back at him. He was still sitting there, looking at the floor. She was starting to regret bringing any of this up. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that knowing the prophecy could be a bad thing, even if what it said was dark. But ever since they left the vault, Anakin has been different; worried, afraid. Something scared him in there, something more than a stupid holocron. Had there been a warning? A trap? A vision? She supposed the only way to find out was to learn the prophecy. At this point, it was all she could do to help him. 

As she left his room, she had the urge to take it back to the library and return it. Maybe he was right and it was better not to know. But even though he was scared to hear it, it seemed he still wanted her to. As though she could guide him with the information. She suddenly felt very alone. How badly did she want to know? Would knowing change how she felt about him? Or the Jedi? Or anything? Would it give her nightmares? Part of her wanted to run to master Kenobi, to cry at his feet. Anakin was always the one she’d choose to be with when she was scared, but he was just as scared. And he didn’t want to know the truth. If that wasn’t a warning, what was?

Ahsoka froze several corridors from her door. Other Jedi moved about as though nothing was out of the ordinary, but she felt like she was being watched. She looked around nervously, wondering what or who was causing that sensation. Nobody appeared to be paying any kind of attention to her. But as she slowly scanned the area, movement caught her eye and she snapped to a far corner in an alcove. There was nothing distinct, but she was quite certain she’d seen a person there. The area around it was hazy as though she still had sleep in her eyes. She narrowed her eyes letting instinct take over, again she saw movement as though some was cloaked moving against the backdrop of the hallway. It took her just a moment to realize it wasn’t moving side to side, but rather at her. 

“Padawan Tano,” a voice said near her left side. She nearly jumped a mile. She’d been so focused to on what she thought she was seeing in front of her, it hadn’t occurred to her there’d be more. She hugged the holocron to herself, looking around. There was nobody near her, but yet she was certain that there were three people standing there. But as long as they weren’t moving, she couldn’t be sure. “Come with us.” The voice said again.

“Who are you?” She asked, hoping not to draw attention to herself. 

The voice didn’t answer her, she thought about pushing through or making a scene, but as other people seemed to leave the hallway, someone appeared in front of her. She leapt backwards into another person that hadn’t been there before. It put its hand on her shoulders. She looked around scared. All three of them worse dark robes, their faces obscured. None of them felt familiar. They were as fuzzy and indistinct in the force as they were physically. “You will be safe.” The one in front of her said. “But if you wish to help your master, you need to come with us.”

“What do you mean? Is Anakin in danger?” She asked glancing back down the hallway she’d just left. Towards him. 

“All will be revealed in time. Now follow.” It ordered. She reluctantly obeyed, assuming they were taking her out of the temple, but instead they led her deeper inside it. As they passed other people, the three that were guiding her would disappear. She could still feel them though, she now had a kind of sense for whatever it was the were doing to mask their force presences. Her Togruta instincts allowed her to follow the movements that likely others never saw. She could also hear their breathing, the slightest shuffle of their robes, the padding of their footsteps. Their powers didn’t hide everything. 

She didn’t know who or what they were, but as they moved together down the maze-like hallways, she realized at one point, that she trusted them. She wasn’t afraid anymore. They had answers she sought. But how had beings like this lived inside the temple without anyone knowing?

—

“Anakin, my boy!” The chancellor exclaimed happily as he entered his office. “I’ve been worried about you! Weeks have gone by without a word about your whereabouts and then I come to find out you’ve been on Coruscant the whole time. I didn’t realize you coming to visit an old friend required a formal invitation.” 

“My apologies, your excellency.” He said, bowing. “I’ve been a bit preoccupied.”

“Of course, of course,” the leader of the Republic tutted dismissively. “The war effort does take precedence to social calls.”

“Actually, sir…” Anakin started. “It’s not been the war that has kept me distracted.”

“Is that so? Well if you need a listening ear, you know I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” He bowed to him again.

“Tell me, what is troubling you?”

“My padawan died.” He said quietly.

“What?” the chancellor exclaimed. “Oh dear, boy. I’m so sorry to hear that.” 

“Well… she came back to life.” 

The chancellor stopped moving and looked at him in surprise. “When did the Jedi learn to bring back the dead? I was under the impression that was impossible?” 

“See that’s the weird part,” he started. “The Jedi teach that when someone dies they become one with the living force. They cannot retain any individual identity in death. Which of course means bringing them back to life is impossible. But Ahsoka claims she spoke to beings; both of which had an identity though she doesn’t know who one of them was. But she still had memories and consciousness. She said she begged them to send her back.”

“That is interesting,” the chancellor said thoughtfully. “You believe her, I’m sure. It couldn’t just be a young one’s imagination?”

“Of course I do.” Anakin said. “I carried her body back to the ship. I know she was dead. It wasn’t just a dream or imagination.”

“Didn’t you say your own master faked his death with what was it, a vital suppressant?”

“Yes.” He said, his hands balling into a fist. “Ahsoka would never play a joke like that on me. Besides, I saw what killed her. I witnessed both her death and her resurrection. Admittedly though, I didn’t hear about the voices until later.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t lie to you, but that is ample time to come up with some kind of story. Forgive my ignorance, but coming back from the dead would be an incredible feat even for a force user. When grieving, it’s hard to see the truth.” The chancellor set his hand on Anakin’s shoulder. 

“Perhaps you’re right, your excellency. I may have been too hasty to take her story at face value.”

“You know how teenagers can be, when they want attention, they’ll go to great lengths to get it. Maybe you’d not been giving her much before this? How is your wife, anyways? I imagine she’s not enjoying the lack of attention either.”

“I haven’t talked to Padmé in several weeks,” Anakin admitted. “We kind of, broke up.” He swallowed hard. It was weird to admit. Even though the chancellor was the only person he’d ever been able to talk freely with about his relationship with her, he still found it painful to speak it aloud. As though it broke every confidence they’d agreed to entering into it the forbidden relationship.

“Oh heavens, dear boy! No wonder you’re so miserable. Should I call her here right now so you two could make up. I’d gladly give you some time alone.”

“That’s very thoughtful, Chancellor, but no. I think it’s for the best.” He turned away from him so he couldn’t see the tears well in his eyes. 

“Was it this experience with your padawan that drove the wedge between you? I’d believed you were so happy.” 

“Umm… yes.” He said hesitantly.

“Well, of course it wouldn’t be jealousy that would cause your padawan to do such a thing. After all, you speak so highly of her.”

—

“Master!” Ahsoka pounded on his door. It was late now, but surely he was still there where she’d left him. He didn’t answer. She knocked again. Where was he? She ran to the dojo they’d practically taken over these last few weeks, but he wasn’t there either. She pressed a button on her wrist comm. “Rex?” 

“Yes sir?” the clone captain’s voice came through.

“Have you seen Anakin? Is he with you?” she asked worriedly. He wasn’t answering his comm either. She didn’t know if she should be worried or annoyed. She had so much to tell him about the people she’d met that evening.

“I’m afraid not, Little’un. I haven’t seen him for awhile now.” Rex said. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh… yeah, I guess. Well if you see him, would you tell him I’m looking for him?” she said. After Rex agreed, she shut off the comm and stared blankly at the wall. She had a bad feeling about this. She tried to swallow it, convincing herself that maybe he’d just gone for a walk. But something was wrong… she was sure of it. She tried to feel for him in the force, but she could tell he wasn’t nearby. 

She ran blindly through the halls, trying not to let her panic win. She turned a corner and ran straight into master Kenobi. 

“What on earth are you up to now?” he asked, turning to see her on the ground, rubbing her head.

“Oh master Kenobi! Boy am I glad to see you!” she exclaimed, jumping back to her feet. 

“Wait, you’re glad to see me?” he sounded surprised and secretly pleased. But she didn’t have time to appreciate it. 

“I can’t find An… Master Skywalker anywhere.” She said, breathlessly. “I don’t think he’s in trouble, but I have a bad feeling. I think something is wrong.” 

“Are you sure he’s not just sleeping? It is late, you know.” 

“I just knocked on his door, he didn’t answer.” 

“That is troubling.” Obi wan stroked his beard. He pulled out his comm and pressed a few buttons and she held her breath wondering if Anakin would answer.

“Yes master?” his voice came through finally. She breathed a sigh of relief. Master Kenobi glanced at her before responding. 

“Everything alright with you, Anakin?” he asked.

“Of course, master. Why wouldn’t it be?” he replied. She looked at the wrist comm in confusion as though she might be able to read what was going on with him through it. 

“Well, I have your padawan here. She was nearly hysterical because she couldn’t find you.” Obi wan said. Ahsoka felt shame flood her cheeks and she looked down at the floor. Great, now both of them thought she was losing it. 

“Ahsoka?” Anakin asked. “Is she alright?”

“Yes, master,” she said embarrassed. “I’m fine. You just weren’t answering your comm. I thought… nevermind…”

“I stepped out for a moment, I’ll be back soon.” Anakin replied. She heard the remonstration in his voice. Why did he make her feel so foolish? She was the one that died and came back and yet any moment she couldn’t find him, she feared the worst. Obi wan clicked off the comm and she turned to go, wanting nothing more than to go back to her room and hide under her blanket. 

“Ahsoka, wait a moment.” Master Kenobi said from behind her. She turned to look up at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I realize these last few weeks have been rather trying on all of us, the two of you most of all. But are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, master.” She didn’t sound convincing in the least. 

“Come on,” he said. She reluctantly followed him back to his room. He made two cups of tea and handed her one. She sat with one knee up to her chin, staring blankly at the honey colored liquid. “What is troubling you?” he asked softer, blowing on his own cup before taking a sip. 

She was scared to answer. Afraid to say yet another thing that would get them into trouble somehow. If she talked about what she’d learned that evening, he’d want to know what had started it. If she admitted her concerns for Anakin, they’d claim they’re too attached and threaten splitting them up again. But at the same time, she wanted to talk about it. She was tired of feeling all these things and not knowing who she could turn to besides Anakin. 

“Is it still about the experience on Selvaris?” he asked after waiting awhile for her to respond. 

She sighed, looking up at him, but struggling to make eye contact. “I’m feeling so lost, master.” She said finally. “I was always so sure of where I was going. I wanted to be a Jedi knight, I wanted to sit on the council, I wanted to do good in the galaxy. But my experience on Selvaris has shaken me to the core. Sometimes I feel like only Ana… Master Skywalker understands me. But other times I feel like I’m losing him. I know attachments are forbidden, but it’s not that I’m afraid of living without him or not being able to let him go. I’m afraid for him. I worry about him. He carries such a heavy burden; so much pain, so much loss, so much fear, so much responsibility. He’s terrified to fail the people around him. He counts every loss as a personal failure. And that was why I begged the force to bring me back. I didn’t want to be another weight on his shoulders. I asked them to show me him one last time. I was willing to accept my death though it scared me. I didn’t want the Daughter to sacrifice herself for me again. But what they showed me… he wasn’t okay.” She said, tears streaming down her cheeks now. Some of them fell into the tea she still hadn’t touched. “He was holding my body, he was apologizing over and over again. Saying how much he failed me, how much he failed his mother. He was afraid of how many others he’d fail before this war was over. I couldn’t die knowing that was what he’d carry for the rest of his life. I couldn’t leave him like that! I knew he’d come back here and you would tell him to let go. To move on. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. And I guess I thought I could do something about it. I guess I thought if I was there, by his side, he’d be okay. But now… he’s distant and sulky. I feel like he’s fading right in front of my eyes. He’s scared of who he is, of what he’s becoming. He thinks being the Chosen One means he is destined to do something awful. Like he has no control over his own life or destiny.”

She set the tea aside and wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them. She shouldn’t have told him any of those things. She didn’t want to get Anakin into trouble for feeling things, but she was scared. Scared for him, scared for herself. Maybe she wasn’t enough to save him…

Master Kenobi was quiet for a long time. She had no idea what he was going to say but at least he wasn’t immediately lecturing her. “When my master died,” he said finally, “Master Qui gon… you probably never met him, I struggled with many of the same things you say Anakin is. I felt like I’d failed him. I was right there, why wasn’t I stronger? Why hadn’t I been just a few minutes faster? Why hadn’t I been enough? The council, they told me to let it go. It wasn’t my fault. There was nothing I could’ve done to change what had happened. But no matter what anyone told me, I felt responsible. I felt like I should have done better, I should have been more.” He paused to take a sip of his tea. 

“How did you get through it?” she asked, captivated by his story. There was so much she didn’t know about him. So much she’d never bothered to learn.

“I didn’t.” he said thoughtfully. “I still carry that guilt. I still feel responsible. But for the sake of those around me, for Anakin’s sake, I had to learn to push it aside. I hadn’t even been granted the status of knight before I took him under my wing. I wasn’t ready for a padawan, for that kind of responsibility. But I was determined to not fail my master a second time, by refusing his last wish to train the boy. Anakin was never able to do that. He wore his emotions on his sleeve. I told the council over and over again they were putting too much pressure on him. That they were giving him too much responsibility. But they didn’t listen. And truthfully, neither did he. He was so desperate to prove himself, he’d gladly take whatever they handed him; whether he was ready for it or not. Training him was the hardest trial I’d ever faced, the hardest one I still face.” He said with a smile. “But it was worth it. It made me a better person, it taught me priorities and strengthened my connection to the force. We hoped giving him a padawan would do the same thing for him. And it has. From the moment you entered his life, Ahsoka, he’s flourished in front of our eyes. He thrives the most when you’re there, when he’s watching out for you. However, his attachment to you, to others, tends to blind him to the bigger picture of what is going on. We knew that was risk going in. And if what you say is true, it is even deeper than we suspected.”

“Oh please don’t punish him for it!” she cried out. “It’s what makes him so powerful. His love… it’s his purpose. I know it’s not the Jedi way, but the galaxy needs that love. We can’t win this war just by destroying battle droids! They will never stop coming. But love can save anyone and maybe even offer some of our enemies, redemption.”

“I didn’t realize you felt so strongly about it,” he said, studying her over his glass. 

“I do.” She said standing up. “It’s why I fight so hard for him. It’s why I push myself so hard. Because he cares so much. I want to make him proud. I want to prove to him that every ounce of energy he’s put into training me has been worth it. I work so hard for him because he believes in me. I stand up for him because I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. He’s unconventional, admittedly, I know it drives you and the rest of the council crazy. But it’s his ability to see things differently that makes our missions so successful.”

“Winning a war isn’t just about victory on the battlefield, Ahsoka.” He said.

“I know that!” she exclaimed trying not to raise her voice. “I meant successful in winning people over to the Republic. When they meet someone like him, when they see the way he cares and what he does for them, it gives them hope. It gives them something to believe in. And then they want to stand by his side too. It’s powerful to watch. Please tell me I’m not the only one that has noticed this…” she trailed off nervously.

“You’re not, child. But can you see the danger of such devotion? Both in my story and your own? The reason attachment is forbidden for Jedi is because there is a very fine line between love and obsession. My attachment to my master has blinded me to anything anyone has said to me about the incident since. I refuse to listen to them. My attachment to my master is how I ended up taking someone under me that I’m not wholly convinced I was ever qualified to teach. My attachment to Anakin blinds me to his fears and his struggles. It causes me to turn a blind eye to things I probably shouldn’t. Look at your own relationship with him and where it has taken you. I am by no means telling you not to love him. I’m also not telling you not to love the people out there that we’re fighting for. All I’m saying, child, is that you must be careful not to let that love blind you to the truth. To not let it cross that line of obsession. You begged death to bring you back, for him. Noble and powerful, indeed… but what about you? You are just as important in the living force. You have light and talent and importance that does not revolve around your master. Worry for him Ahsoka, but do not let it consume you. Do not make every choice be about him. And when out there, on the battlefield… be aware of the cost of your choice to put him first.”

—

By the time Ahsoka made it back to her room it was nearly morning. She was completely exhausted. So much information spinning in her head, she had every intention of dropping into a deep slumber and sleeping until lunch. Anakin would probably wake her before then for training or studying or something, but there really was no schedule to keep and if he did so, she would tell him to go away.

The talk with master Kenobi had helped more than she expected, though she feared the outcome of telling someone on the council so much. He’d given her a lot to think about when it came to dealing with Anakin. After all, he had been for over ten years. She supposed it was foolish to think she’d know better with so much less experience with him. She didn’t agree with all his methods or his attitude about some of it, but he did have a point. Her attachment was reaching the point of obsession. She’d been so focused these past few weeks on helping him. Which wasn’t exactly a bad thing, but not a single day had gone by in which they hadn’t spent time together. Or worse, she’d hardly thought about her own needs, or the needs of anyone else in the temple. She’d skipped more meals than she had fingers, she spent late nights researching, long hours training. She worried about her master so much, she was running herself into the ground.

Maybe she’d go visit Rex and the 501st tomorrow afternoon alone and spend some much needed time away from the temple to clear her head some.

She smiled to herself, yeah, that was exactly what she needed. Good plan. She pressed the door button and went in her room. She was only thinking about her bed as she pulled off her belt and boots and moved to set her lightsabers on the nightstand. But to her surprise, she fell over something, hitting her head on the table. “What the kriff?” she said aloud, rubbing her head. She reached out to touch whatever it was she’d tripped on and leapt backwards onto her bed when it moved. She stared at the form wild-eyed and wide awake now. Her heart raced, and it took her a few minutes to catch her breath. “Anakin?” she asked as he sat up and leaned back against the wall. “What are you doing here, master? You scared me half to death!” 

“Seems only fair, Ahsoka.” He said. He sounded strange. “I could have taken a vital suppressant.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?” she forced herself to sit down on the bed and try to relax.

“That’s what you did, right? Was I not paying enough attention to you? You thought scaring me was the only way to get me to focus on you?” he said darkly. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I wouldn’t do something like that, not to you or anyone.” She exclaimed, worried now.

“I had a feeling you’d deny it. Anything to cast the blame on someone else.” He slowly stood up, looming like a giant shadow in her room. She instinctively scooted backwards.

“You’re not making any sense, master!” she said, glancing at the door.

“That was a nice story you came up with though. The voices, the Daughter. You got the whole council to believe you. You almost convinced me.”

“I didn’t make that up!” she cried. “Why would I? It was the truth, all of it. I argued with them, I came back for you! I saw you holding me in the ship! I saw you rocking back and forth, apologizing to me! I had to go back to you. I couldn’t leave you like that! They told me I couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed. But the Daughter had a way.” 

“How convenient.” He responded sullenly. “What else did they tell you that you haven’t said, hmm? Why didn’t the first voice identify themselves?”

“I don’t know why they didn’t, but I know who it was now. I figured it out! I thought you’d want to know.” Tears streamed down her face. Anakin was the only one that believed in her and now he was turning on her.

“Who is it?”

“Master Qui gon!” she exclaimed. But he turned on her.

“Don’t you dare! You’ve gone too far, Ahsoka. It was a clever little game, but it’s over now. This is all your fault. We’re stuck here, punished, in trouble because you just wanted my attention! Well you have it now! You have it, is that what you wanted? Are you happy now?” He grabbed her by the arms and shook her hard.

“You have to believe me! I’ve learned more! I listened to the holocron, I know how to help you!” tears streaked down her cheek as she begged him to listen.

“I don’t need your help! I never needed your help! You used me to get what you wanted.” He let go, turned and stormed out of her room. She sat there in a daze, unsure of what to do. She couldn’t even bring herself to cry. She had no idea what had prompted any of that, or why he suddenly didn’t believe her. 

She curled up on her bed knowing she wouldn’t sleep now, her eyes stung from all the crying. She felt sick to her stomach and half thought about going to the healing wing to see if they could give her something to sleep it off. She’d learned so much after the Jedi shadows had taken her down to a part of the temple she’d never been in. They were part of a secret division of the order, they called themselves Gray Jedi. And after allowing her to listen to the holocron, before returning it to the vault, they told her all about the origins of the prophecy and why the Jedi feared it so much. They believed that prophecy would happen no matter what, but she was convinced she could change it. Anakin had the power to do so, he just had listen. But whatever had set him off tonight, or made him doubt her experience… would now get in the way of her helping him. Master Qui gon had told her when she died that it was his destiny to kill her, but she didn’t believe it. He would never.


	4. Chapter 4

The summons had come early that morning. She’d barely drifted off at the time the temple guardian came calling. The council had assigned her and Anakin to a mission; a heavy battle over a populated planet. She didn’t want to go, but what choice did she have now? Anakin wouldn’t even look at her, and truthfully, she was still in such a daze from everything, she didn’t care. She hung close to Rex and the rest of the clones. Rex had asked her at least three times if she was alright, but she didn’t know how to answer him so she’d just nodded numbly each time. Though it had crossed her mind several times to tell him even if he didn’t understand, but she couldn’t as long as Anakin was nearby.

The moment they’d docked on the Indomitable, she’d gone straight to her quarters to try and get a little more sleep. She’d taken the long way around to avoid running into him. She hated this though. He was her best friend, insufferable as he could be sometimes. She didn’t like the weirdness that had fallen between them. She’d accepted that likely he’d restrict what she could even do to help on this mission, just to punish her for whatever it was he thought she’d done. At this point, she wasn’t even sure she cared what he did to her. She still felt like it was her duty to protect him, now more than ever, his emotions were so tightly wound he was bound to do something stupid. But this wasn’t their usual power struggles. This was something else entirely. 

She had no idea who he could have talked to outside the temple that fed him so many lies. It couldn’t have been Padmé, she was a friend. And none of the clones would have been so malicious. Who had enough influence in his life to turn him against the people that cared about him in just one random conversation? The only other person coming to mind was the chancellor, but what could he know about Jedi business?

She crawled into her bed and buried her face under the covers. She hoped sleep would come, she was tired enough. It wasn’t a long trip to Cato Neimoidia, so she wouldn’t get much chance to rest. She couldn’t plan on him leaving her out of the mission so she had to sleep while she could. 

—

"Ahsoka!“ Anakin pounded on her door. "Get up, we’re here. I need you down in the hanger, now!”

He walked away, not waiting for an answer. He’d thought about sending one of the officers to go get her, but what was the point? He was going by her door anyways. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other in three days. But neither of them had argued with the council about sending them on a mission together. He was just grateful to be off Coruscant and to have something else to focus on for awhile. Though it had been difficult to get back in the swing of things. 

At least the 501st respected him enough to jump back in the game even with their General a little rusty. He appreciated their loyalty, even more so now. He missed Ahsoka, but he was still so angry with her. Part of him didn’t fully believe that she’d lie about something like that. It wasn’t like her at all. She’d never been shy about speaking her opinion before, and if she was just wanting his attention, she would have just demanded it. She was not the type to sneak around behind peoples’ backs to get it in other ways. 

It was part of why he trusted her so much. She didn’t have a problem communicating. But every time he started wanting to forgive her and hunt her down to apologize, another doubt would creep into his head. Had she somehow learned about him and Padmé, and decided to act out against it? He hadn’t thought Ahsoka liked him in that way, but then again, she was growing up. Her body was changing, hormones flowing, who knows anymore? He certainly didn’t know anything about the way teenage girls developed. Especially one of a different species entirely. He felt a little warmth flood his cheeks as he thought about the way she’d kissed his skin that night after he thought she’d died. Just what he needed, his padawan had a crush on him. And he was expected to trust his life to a hormonal teenager?

The troops gathered in the main hanger for the briefing and he got up on the stool to describe the mission plan. He caught sight of Ahsoka hanging near Rex, she looked terrible. There were dark lines under her eyes and they were bloodshot. She seemed pallid and thin. When was the last time she ate? He hadn’t seen her in the mess hall even once. When the briefing was over, he’d make her eat a food bar before they left. 

He spoke to the group as a whole, but he couldn’t help but keep glancing her way. She was leaning against a crate, her arms crossed under her chest. She seemed to be struggling to take deep breaths. But she never once looked up at him, she just stared blankly at the back of Echo’s head in front of her. If circumstances were normal, he’d ask her if she was even listening, but they weren’t and he didn’t bother. 

She would do her job even if she was mad at him, but he hated to admit he was worried about her. Maybe he’d been too harsh on her? Even if she had made it all up, he doubted she meant to go as far with it as she had. 

It frustrated him. He didn’t know who to trust anymore. Every time he thought he found someone he could, something would happen that made him feel like he couldn’t anymore. It then called into question everything they’d ever done. There weren’t many people left in his life that hadn’t wronged him in some way. The only one he could think of right now was the chancellor. Sometimes it felt like he was the only one that understood him and truly cared. Everyone else just seemed to be using him for something. 

"Let’s do this!“ He said clapping his hands together in dismissal. Everyone knew what they had to do. "Snips!” He called to her across the room. She stopped, back to him, but didn’t turn around. Had she reached out for Rex? For a moment it looked as though she’d tried to grab him so she wouldn’t have to face him alone. He probably just imagined it. Though he did see her sigh deeply before turning around. “Hey!” He said, trying to sound more upbeat than he felt. “I’m going to need your head in the game for this. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, master.” She said quietly, but didn’t keep eye contact with him. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she stepped backwards and he dropped his hand. 

“When was the last time you’ve eaten? I have a food bar here if…” he started. 

“I’m not hungry.” She said turning back towards her ship. 

“Well fine, but when we get out there…”

“I know the drill, master.” She interrupted him and climbed the ladder into the cockpit of her fighter. He watched her sit down and seal herself in. Then he shrugged to himself and went to his own ship. No point in arguing with her right now, but he was going to have to say a few words to her later about her attitude.

—

“Master? Are you alright?” He heard Ahsoka, but she sounded indistinct and far away. He reached up to rub his pounding head. When he finally managed to clear his vision, she was kneeling over him with a hand on his chest. 

“Ugh… what happened?” He asked looking around. The last thing he remembered was buzz droids and… “Wait! Wasn’t I flying? Where’s my ship? How’d I get here?” They were on a small ledge, high in the sky, far away from the city. 

“Fighter crashed, I saved the day, you’re welcome.” She said cheekily and stood up and walked away. He groaned as he got to his feet, using Artoo to stabilize himself. There was a large cut in the ground where he assumed his ship had gone streaking across the ledge and off the cliff at the end. How had she gotten him out of it if he’d lost control?

His droid beeped and whistled sadly and he turned to see Ahsoka had sat down at the far end of the ledge staring out at the capital city that rose above the clouds. She’d saved him. Even with the way things were between them. This wasn’t the first time she had, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. They really were too attached to each other, but that attachment had just saved his life. Maybe he’d been wrong about her…

He made his way towards her and sat down heavily nearby. She didn’t look at him, she just wrapped her arms around her knees and dropped her chin on them. He took a couple of deep breaths trying to decide what to say. There were sounds of gunfire and explosions all around them, but far away. Wherever it was they’d crashed was a good distance from the main battle. They should get back, the troops needed them, but at the same time, now was as good of time as ever to talk. 

He was about to open his mouth when she spoke, “I wasn’t playing a joke on you, Anakin. Everything I told you I experienced was real. I don’t know what it means, or why it differs from what we’ve been taught. But I know what I saw and what I heard. I wouldn’t make that up.” He didn’t know what to say in response, because he could feel her confusion and pain in the force. He hadn’t even realized just how deeply this cut her, mainly because ever since talking to the chancellor, he’d been convinced it wasn’t real. But what he heard right now from her was raw. She was having a crisis of faith and what had he done? He’d ostracized her.

His comm flashed with loud beeping before he could respond. “Master Yoda?” He said in surprise as a tiny hologram appeared above his wrist. 

“Return to the temple, you must. And your padawan.” The grandmaster said.

“But master, we’re in the middle of a battle.” He said confused, why were they being recalled already?

“Bombed the temple has been, return immediately.”

He glanced at Ahsoka but she was already on her feet. So much for talking. “Right away, master.” He said shutting off the comm and pushing the buttons, “Rex, we need a pickup.”

“You got it, sir!” Rex replied. 

“Ahsoka.” He said turning to find her pacing a little ways away. She looked nervous. 

“Who could have done this?” She asked, fear in her voice. All else forgotten now.

He sighed. “I don’t know.” The gunship appeared to pick them up and all opportunity to continue the conversation was lost. Ahsoka had become distant again, avoiding him in hallways and briefings. It was as though she was afraid of his response to what she’d said back on that ledge. 

—

She stood on trial in front of the senate. The last few days a total blur. One minute her and Anakin had been recalled to investigate the temple bombing, the next she was being accused of it. Her relationship with him was already strained to the breaking point and then all of this? If there was any hope he’d trust her again, it was gone now. He hadn’t stood up for her any of the times she’d had blame cast on her. All the harmless trouble they’d gotten into to kill their boredom coming back to bite them. She kept telling everyone she was being set up but nobody believed her. Not even Anakin.

He still seemed convinced she’d played a prank on him rather than really dying. And all of the accusations only seemed to convince him further that she’d been planning this for awhile. They’d fought more in the past few days then the entire time she’d been his apprentice. Not that it mattered now. The Jedi order had thrown her out. He had betrayed her by letting them. And now they were asking for the death sentence. And not a single person in the room had reacted to that. If she wasn’t feeling so numb at the moment, she’d find it ironic that the Daughter had brought her back to life only for her to die a month later anyways. 

And as she stood there surrounded by the people she’d loved and fought for, she felt so alone. All she’d done, she’d done for him. From the moment she’d become his padawan, she’d practically devoted her life to him. And when she needed him the most, he’d believed everyone but her. She’d come back to save him, but he was killing her anyways. Master Qui gon had been right. Maybe he wasn’t the one to thrust the sword, but standing aside so someone else could was just as bad. The prophecy was happening anyways. Just as the shadows had said it would. The Chosen One would watch the galaxy burn, first by betraying his friends. She hadn’t wanted to believe it. Obi wan had been right, her devotion to him had blinded her to the truth.

She closed her eyes as the sentence was read. Guilty, they claimed. It didn’t matter now. She didn’t fear death. Once upon a time, she’d feared what it did to him, but as she looked up at him when they dragged her away, he was stone-faced. She didn’t apologize, why should she? She’d done nothing wrong. She only hoped they could live with themselves for what they’d done. It was the reason they were going to lose the war. 

She wished he at least felt something. Broken as she was, she didn’t want to believe their years of friendship meant nothing to him now. It was foolish to think he cared. Even if she would’ve fought for him until her dying breath. What had he ever done to deserve it though?

The door closed between them, a finality like she’d never known. Was it stupid that she still wanted to help him? 

She heard a shuffle and in a flash, before she could even comprehend what was happening, the guards had released her, dropping around her on the floor one by one. She stared around in a daze as someone grabbed her arm. “Hurry,” it breathed. 

She felt herself pulled into the force, cloaked by a familiar presence. And before she knew it they were outside. The shadows turned to her, one used their lightsaber to cut her binders. “You can’t help him now, but you must protect the light. Go, get somewhere safe!”

“Thank you!” She cried and took off in a run, disappearing down into the depths of Coruscant, with the cloak thrown over her head that they’d given her. She didn’t know where to go, or what to do. She needed to get off the planet fast, and a public shuttle was a bad idea. 

— 

“Padmé!” She called, knocking on her friend’s door. It was a huge risk to come here, but she didn’t have a choice. Padmé was the only one that could, and probably would, help her now. 

A gold protocol droid opened the door and started to say that the senator wasn’t home. She pushed past him anyways, so she wasn’t still out in plain view. “How rude!” It said as she paced back and forth inside the door. She was so scared, she didn’t know what to do. Threepio started to call authorities for her breaking in so she quickly shut him down. Hopefully he hadn’t managed it before she had. 

She felt guilt creep in her throat that she was endangering Padmé just by being here, but she didn’t know anyone else she could turn to. And Padmé was versed enough with the law to be able to stand up for herself. 

The door opened and the light came on and Padmé gasped when she turned. “Ahsoka?” Her friend said, running up to her. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry Padmé! I know I’m putting you in a terrible spot, but I need your help! I swear I didn’t do those things they accused me of! I need to get off Coruscant!” She rambled, shaking more and more as the seconds wore on.

“Calm down, Ahsoka. I’ll help you. I didn’t believe them anyways. I’m just happy you’re alive!” Her friend scooped her into her arms and she fell apart on her. “What about Anakin?”

“He doesn’t believe in me. He can’t help me!” Ahsoka choked out.

To her surprise, the senator let out a string of expletives and said something about giving that no good… nerf-herder a piece of her mind. She laughed before she could stop herself, feeling better already. They still had to get her somewhere safe, but Padmé’s fire made her feel like she finally had a chance. That maybe things would be okay after all. 

“Threepio, call captain Typho and tell him to prep my ship for departure.” Padmé said aloud.

“Uh… senator?” Ahsoka said embarrassed. “I shut him off.”

“Oh,” Padmé replied but then smiled widely. “You know what, that’s probably for the best.” She then led her into her bedroom and pulled out one of the gowns her handmaidens sometimes wore. It was flame colored with a hood. She didn’t want to question her choice of something so bright that would stand out in a crowd, but then again, who would be looking for her in something like that?

She continued to dig through her closet while Ahsoka put on the robes. She studied herself in the mirror. It wasn’t bad at all, but her montral shape was obvious under the hood. But before she could express her concerns, Padmé returned with a handful of interesting things. 

“May I?” Her friend asked holding up a palette of makeup. Ahsoka just shrugged. Padmé went to work painting her face and doing something to her montrals while Ahsoka focused on trying to relax. She was impatient to get out of here, afraid that the longer she delayed, the harder it would be to leave. But she’d taken every precaution she could to make sure she hadn’t been followed to the senator’s apartment. The authorities probably knew by now that she’d escaped. Nowhere in the city would be safe. They still had to get to her landing platform without anybody realizing she was hiding in plain sight. “Done!” Padmé exclaimed and she opened her eyes to look in the mirror. 

She didn’t even recognize herself. She’d managed to disguise her markings, and contoured her face completely differently. Her orange skin was now fair. And she’d somehow rounded off her montrals so that under the hood you couldn’t tell what they were. If she kept her head down and her hands hidden, no one would be the wiser. Except of course a Jedi, who’d be able to sense her. If all went well, no one would suspect she was with Padmé. 

—

“Oh dear,” she heard Padmé mutter. “Just keep walking.” She peeked out from behind her to see Anakin standing between them and the ship. But at least as far as she could tell, he was the only one there.

She slipped her hands inside the dress and looked down at the floor, doing her best to seem inconspicuous. Anakin let Padmé pass without a word, but he reached out and grabbed her arm as she tried to do the same.

“M'lady!” She squeaked trying to sound as different from herself as possible. She avoided his eyes.

“I had a feeling you’d be here, Ahsoka.” He said.

“Release my handmaiden, master Jedi.” Padmé answered instead with authority.

“Is there a problem, miss?” her chief of security asked stepping off this ship.

“Yes captain, there is. Please tell master Skywalker that Mira and I are late for peace negotiations and that if he doesn’t let her go, he will have to explain to the chancellor himself why the war has not ended.” Padmé ordered.

“Don’t lie to me Padmé, I know this is Ahsoka even if it doesn’t look like her. I can sense it.” Anakin said angrily.

“Oh really?” Padmé said defiantly, stepping dangerously close. “Well tell me, could you sense your padawan’s pain, fear and confusion in that courtroom when the entire Jedi order turned against her, including you, sentencing her to death? Because I did. And I’m no Jedi. So you will forgive me if I will not trust the fate of my handmaiden to someone with faulty senses. Now release her, this is my final warning.”

She tried not to act surprised at Padmé’s words. She knew how much they loved each other and she never wanted to come between them. But right here, on the landing platform, it was as though they were total strangers. And even though she was purposely trying to hide herself in the force and not reaching out with her senses, she’d felt Anakin’s reaction to the senator’s words as though he’d been slapped, and he let go of her arm. It took every ounce of willpower to not end the charade right there. But for once in her life, she had to think about herself first. Anakin would have to survive without her for now.

“Come on, Mira, we’re leaving.” Padmé said when he offered no rebuttal to her statement.

“Yes m'lady.” Ahsoka curtsied and followed her onto her ship. But to her surprise, Anakin pushed his way on too. He didn’t say anything though, he just leaned against the bulkhead and Padmé had no choice but to order the captain to take off anyways.

Ahsoka tried to relax with him so close, but she couldn’t. Despite his reaction to the senator’s words, she knew he didn’t believe her. Well either of them for that matter. Should she even bother continuing to play the part as though he was waiting for her to slip up or should she just admit the truth? Even though he’d come along, he’d made no effort to call for backup or turn them in. Was there any chance he’d listen if she tried to explain it? Not so long ago, he would have been the only one she’d turn to when she needed help. But now it felt like he was the enemy too and she hated it.

She glanced at Padmé for direction, but she was sitting there prim, proper and seemingly nonplussed though she felt deeper things from her in regards to his presence. Whatever had happened to them seemed to go beyond helping her escape. Was that why Anakin was so moody? He’d broken up with Padmé? Now that she thought about it, that actually explained a lot. And why he’d turned on her so dramatically. Had her experience shaken him enough to break it off the senator, leaving the two of them relatively isolated from the rest of the world and dependent on each other? So then if any doubt is cast on her story, he feels cut off from everyone?

She couldn’t stand it anymore. She stood up. “I don’t know what is going on with anyone nowadays, but ever since I became your padawan, my world has revolved around you! Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. I even begged death to send me back, for you! But then when I need you the most, you turn your back on me! You let the council and everyone else convince you that I’m guilty of something I DID NOT DO! And you know what, fine! What’s another death? It’s only happened twice already. And each time, I have no idea how I cheated it. But I’m not a lothcat, Anakin! I don’t have nine lives. So you need to decide who you’re going to trust and get over yourself!” she vented. Both Anakin and Padmé looked at her in surprise. “I would never ever lie to you about something this important. And whoever told you I did, is messing with your head. You are my best friend! At least you were until all of this! I only ever wanted to make you proud! I pushed myself to breaking point to keep up with you, for you to see me as worthy to stand by your side. To protect you. All I ever wanted was to be a Jedi Knight! But I threw that dream aside for you. Everything was about you! But you run around acting like you don’t know or care. Well you know what? I’m done trying to prove myself to you. I’ve done nothing wrong and I refuse to be punished for it!” She disappeared down a corridor and went into some chambers to cry herself to sleep. She only hoped Padmé wouldn’t get in trouble for whatever he decided to do to her.

She went into the refresher and wiped the makeup off her face, staring at the deep lines that had taken residence there. She looked awful. She threw back the hood, removing the head piece that Padmé had rigged around her montrals and stared at her reflection dully. What was happening to her? She felt like she was fading from the light, from everything. The shadows had told her what balance really meant. That you couldn’t have one without the other. When she’d told them about the force users on Mortis and the sacrifice the Daughter had done for her, twice, they’d been adamant she must protect herself at all costs. If she was now the light, she must survive so that balance between the two could exist. But she didn’t feel light anymore. She felt like darkness was seeping in to every crack in her broken soul. The words her future self had spoken to her there repeating in her head with increasing aggressiveness. ‘Seeds of the dark side, planted in you by your master.’ It was true, he had darkness in him too. But she had all the tools to help him find the balance they’d spoken so much of, if only he’d listen to her. If only he’d trust her. But why would he now?

She heard a knock on the door and assuming it was Padmé, went to open it, surprised to find Anakin standing on the other side. She looked up at his face to see if he was angry but instead he looked sad and lost. She knew the feeling. “May I come in?” he asked. She stepped aside so he could enter. And she went to sit on the bed. He didn’t say anything right away and she found herself wondering what she was in for now. “I don’t know what to say, Ahsoka.” His voice a higher pitch than normal.

“You could start with ‘sorry,’” she said roughly.

He looked at her face, meeting eye contact. “I am so sorry, Ahsoka.” He said sincerely. “I’m sorry, for everything.” She heard him struggle to swallow. She nodded at him in response and patted the bed beside her. She hadn’t actually expected him to apologize, but she was grateful he did. At least he was willing to admit when he was wrong. Even if he did tend to get carried away with it. “I don’t want to lose you again.” He said sadly.

She almost snapped at him, telling him it would have been his fault if he had, but as usual, she put her own feelings aside for his sake. There were things worth fighting him over and other things that just weren’t as important. And right here, right now, she wasn’t going to make it worse when there was a chance it could get better.

“Can we start over? From that night after Selvaris? I will listen this time.” He said softly and looked down at the floor. She reached over and took his hand.

“You listened the first time.” She said. “You were just scared. Well… I am too. I want to help you, but you have to trust me.”

“I do trust you.” He said. “I’ve trusted you with my life more times than I can count and the lives of others. But…”

“Master Kenobi told me that the reason attachment is forbidden is because there is a fine line between love and obsession. When everything we do revolves around other people, we become blinded to the bigger picture of what is going on. We’re too much alike that way, Anakin. We both put others first, we both push ourselves so hard so we don’t fail the people around us. But Anakin, we’re failing ourselves! Because we love others so much, so selflessly, we break easily. We expect them to return that intensity and trust. But no one is infallible. Everyone makes mistakes and if we judge everyone, everything they do or have done, because of one mistake, we lose our faith in the people that matter most. We stop seeing the bigger picture. I don’t know what made you change your mind about my story, but whatever it was made you stop seeing everything I’ve ever done for you because of one thing. Even if I made it up, which I didn’t, do you not see how terrible that is? It almost got me killed, Anakin. I don’t truly believe that’s what you meant to happen, so please don’t blame yourself for it, but see it. See what I’m telling you. And whether you like it or not, you make mistakes too and you can’t condemn yourself the same way. Loving someone is recognizing that they’re not perfect but you love them anyways. Trusting them doesn’t mean they’ve done everything right, it means you believe in them because you know they’re doing the best they can.” She spoke passionately hoping that he was doing what he said and actually listening this time.

“Did Master Kenobi tell you all that? What does he know about love?” he blew hair out of his face.

“A lot more than you think, actually.” She said frustrated. “And no, he didn’t. He told me part of it. I figured the rest out on my own. Because that’s the way life is.”

“But…” he started.

“Look Anakin, I’m exhausted. I’ve cried more in the past week than I ever have in my life. I can’t argue with you anymore. If you won’t listen to me, I can’t help you. I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but I do want to help you. If you believe nothing else I say, please believe that. But right now, I need to take care of myself. Right now, I need to make sure I live to see another day. Are you going to help me with that or not?” she turned away from him and curled up on the bed.

“Everything okay in there?” Padmé asked through the door.

“Yes, senator.” She replied.

“I’m going to get some sleep, call me if you need anything.” 

“Thank you, Padmé.” Ahsoka called to her, then tugged at the blanket that was under him so she could pull it up around herself. He moved enough so she could get it, but he didn’t leave. He sat back down on the edge of the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. But she didn’t look at him. She half wanted him to take her in his arms and hold her like he did after Selvaris. That was the safest she’d ever felt in her life, knowing that he was there. Believing that he’d always be there for her. At least until all this happened. 

But now wasn’t really the time. Not with Padmé in the room next door. Not with everything that had come between them. To her surprise though, he dropped his forehead down onto his hand that was on her and took a deep breath. “When you came back to me… when you came back to life… all I could think about was you. I couldn’t imagine how my life would be if I ever lost you again, because I didn’t realize just how much I loved you. I wanted you to be there, by my side for the rest of my life, I didn’t care how. So when we got back to Coruscant… I made some choices about my life, ones I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t come to regret. I was mostly okay with them until the council started talking about splitting us up and then all the Chosen One stuff… and then…”

“And then what?” she said turning onto her back forcing him to sit up and look at her.

“Well… then the Chancellor suggested you’d made it all up because you wanted my attention, that you were trying to steal me away from…”

“Padmé?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes. And suddenly I started questioning everything I’d just done. Had I just screwed up my entire life because some teenager had a crush on me?” he looked away.

“First of all, I know you and the Chancellor are close, but what does he know about the Jedi? No… let me finish,” she said as he started to interrupt. “Secondly, I love you. And I love Padmé. And if she was who you wanted to be with, I wouldn’t come between you no matter how bad I wanted something. Thirdly, as I said before, you are my best friend. You’ve stood by me through thick and thin. You’ve taught me more about life than just how to fight and so yes, over the years… the way I feel about you has changed. It’s turned into something far deeper than I ever expected. But I’ve never held out any hope that you would see me that way, not just because of the council but also because I’ve always known you were in love with her. I kind of figured you’d always see me as a little sister and never in a romantic light anyways. If we were to grow into more, I don’t think I’d fight it, but I’d want you to be sure.”

He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. She hadn’t expected that, but she melted in his mouth. His lips were full and moist against hers and she loved the way he tasted. His soft hair fell on her face and she reached up to take it in her hands. He ran one gloved finger down her cheek as though tracing her markings and then along her jawline, slipping down to her neck. She parted for his tongue surprised at how good it felt to feel his breath against her face and smell him up close. They explored each other for a few minutes before coming up for air. He looked down at her, a soft and loving smile on his face. “You don’t want me, huh?” he asked, the smile turning into a smirk.

“I never said that. I believe what I said was I wouldn’t fight it if it went further.” She went to push him playfully, but her hand lingered on his chest, playing with the edges of his robe. She bit her bottom lip, feeling warm.

“Scoot over,” he said and she did so. He climbed in next to her and pulled her close. “I’m sorry, Ahsoka. I just don’t know who to believe anymore.” He breathed into her neck.

“Believe in yourself.” She whispered. “Trust your feelings, not what anyone else tells you. We can only tell you want we know, you have to decide if it fits with what you know. And that goes for all of us, even the Chancellor. You can respect someone and still not agree with everything they say. Look at you and master Kenobi!” she exclaimed, giggling a little.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been allowed to make up my mind like that before.” He said nervously.

“Well… I’m allowing it right now. You have my permission to trust yourself. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know if you’re being stupid.” She turned her face to look at him and smiled. His eyes were deep and soulful and she was sure she’d get lost in them. Force knew she already did, dozens of times before. But this was different. He’d never let her in this far before. And she was determined to swim in their expanses. She brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair and he blinked slowly. She kissed him again on the lips. “Oh by the way, I’m eighteen now. I’m legally an adult. So get over calling me a teenager.” He looked away trying to hide a goofy grin but she’d seen it anyways. Her smile deepened.


End file.
